1 00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:37,780 That logo music just gets you pumped. 2 00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,580 Right? 3 00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:42,456 I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited to be here. It's been a while. 4 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,666 You know, for a long time, 5 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,460 I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. 6 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,580 Disney bought Fox, 7 00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,296 there was a whole boring rights issue, 8 00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:49,416 blabbity-blabbity-blah. 9 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,470 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 10 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:55,050 The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, 11 00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,720 much less a franchise. 12 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,390 Marvel's so stupid. 13 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,040 Look, we know the title of this thing. 14 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,730 So, I know what you're wondering. 15 00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:05,010 How are we gonna do this 16 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:07,650 without dishonoring Logan's memory? 17 00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:09,440 And I'll tell you how. 18 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:11,440 We're not. 19 00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:15,530 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 20 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,950 Wolverine is not dead. 21 00:01:18,030 --> 00:01:21,040 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 22 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,410 But that's not how regenerative healing factors work. 23 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,960 You think I wanna be out here in beautiful downtown North Dakota, 24 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,880 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 25 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,760 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 26 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,010 He may not be living his best life, but he sure as hell ain't 27 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,140 dead. 28 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,060 Bingo. 29 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:46,850 Yahtzee. 30 00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:52,980 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 31 00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:57,610 Damn it! 32 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,330 Son of a bitch! 33 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,200 You... 34 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,000 Christ. Motherfucker! 35 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,590 My world is fuck... 36 00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:14,090 That was weird. 37 00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:15,670 I'm much calmer now. 38 00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:20,140 Look, I'm not a man of science. 39 00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,180 But you seem incredibly passed away. 40 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,270 But it's good to see ya. 41 00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:31,690 I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. 42 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,776 You and me getting into it. 43 00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:36,490 Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up. 44 00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,280 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 45 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:40,910 the residuals? 46 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,200 "G'day, mate. 47 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,076 "There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster 48 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,580 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 49 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,420 Me too, Hugh. 50 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,380 But, no. No, no, no. 51 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,920 You had to get all noble and die for real. 52 00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,720 Goddamn it! 53 00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,510 I could really use your help right now. 54 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,400 Wait! 55 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,320 I'm warning you, I'm not alone. 56 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,990 Wade Winston Wilson, 57 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,906 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 58 00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:24,160 Oof. 59 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,206 - for too many crimes to list. - Come out... 60 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,500 and we'll extend you the courtesy 61 00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:30,166 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 62 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,670 Last chance. 63 00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,000 Throw out your weapons 64 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,920 and come out peacefully. 65 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,800 I'm not gonna give you my weapons, 66 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,010 but I promise not to use them. 67 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,890 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 68 00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:45,420 Two hundred and seven if I'm watching Gossip Girl. 69 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,400 Okay, peanut. 70 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,580 Guess we're getting that team-up after all. 71 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,930 Maradona from outside the box! 72 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,730 Goal! 73 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:01,400 Come on, big fella. 74 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,940 I am soaking wet right now. 75 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,400 To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. 76 00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,320 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. 77 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,490 It isn't who I am. 78 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,990 It isn't who I wanna be. 79 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,330 Who I wanna be? 80 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,160 Well, to help you understand that, 81 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,500 I've gotta take you back. 82 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,130 A little joyride I took through space and time, 83 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,630 to the day that changed everything. 84 00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:17,600 I can't believe I'm finally here. 85 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,310 I've waited for this moment for so long. 86 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,770 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 87 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,730 I... I firmly believe 88 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,950 that my services could be of great use to your organization. 89 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,110 Now, I know 90 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,486 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, 91 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:34,946 - but I can assure you that-- - Smashturbating? 92 00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,286 I'm sorry, what... what was that? 93 00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:40,750 No, I'm sorry. That... That's when you get those toy Hulk hands, right? 94 00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:43,230 And then you just, you look down, and you just... 95 00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,086 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 96 00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:48,086 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 97 00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,006 - The picture's painted. - You get the gist. 98 00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:52,340 Uh, what exactly brings you here today? 99 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,220 Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh... 100 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,270 I... I care. 101 00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:00,100 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 102 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,810 I care, and I wanna use that feeling... 103 00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:07,610 for something important. 104 00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,490 I... I wanna matter. 105 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,120 I need to show my girl that I matter. 106 00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:16,490 And... 107 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,286 You know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here. 108 00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:20,666 Is the man not gonna be joining us? 109 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,830 - The man? - Yeah. 110 00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:23,960 I should save this if he's gonna... 111 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,006 Uh, as far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man. 112 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,750 - No. - The man is me. 113 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,670 I am the man in this circumstance. 114 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,970 - Mm. - He doesn't do 115 00:08:32,050 --> 00:08:33,470 this kind of thing anymore. 116 00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:34,550 - Cameos? - Meetings. 117 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,056 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 118 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,140 Entry-level? 119 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,220 Aren't you the chauffeur... 120 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,310 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 121 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,890 - Okay. - I did begin my career 122 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,520 as Mr. Stark's driver. 123 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,606 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 124 00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,440 - Chauffeur. - the Head of Security. 125 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,276 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 126 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,320 And why I am vetting your résumé. 127 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,576 You seem to have left out whether or not you had 128 00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,780 any experience as a member of a team. 129 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,696 Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective there? 130 00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,956 Oh. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 131 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,120 - Okay. - but I was... 132 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,620 Mainly, I was team leader... 133 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,996 founder, really, of X-Force. 134 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,956 Sadly, they... they all perished in action though. 135 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,750 Oh. How exactly did that happen? 136 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,546 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 137 00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,136 Just between us, they didn't test well 138 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,546 - in the focus group. - I see. 139 00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:15,180 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 140 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,386 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I can see this isn't going well. 141 00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:18,716 Please stop writing. Look, I... I... 142 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,600 I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger. 143 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,100 I wanna be an Avenger. 144 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,700 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 145 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:30,896 Look around you. I mean, they're the... they're the best of the best. 146 00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,990 And... And what they do matters. 147 00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:34,360 I need to be an Avenger. 148 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,950 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, 149 00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:39,740 and I... if I don't, you know, 150 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:42,166 turn things around and do something with my "gifts," 151 00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,876 I don't think it's gonna really work out for me, 152 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,210 and I wouldn't blame her. 153 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:50,710 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 154 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:51,876 that stand for something 155 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,840 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 156 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,840 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 157 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,230 - They-- - I'm sorry. "Us"? 158 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,300 I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger. 159 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:02,846 Avengers-adjacent, technically. 160 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,436 Oh, wow. What's your superpower? 161 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,060 Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 162 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,350 That was cruel. 163 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,790 I lash out when I'm nervous. Won't happen again. 164 00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,196 - Let's cut to the chase. - Please. 165 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,690 You just said moments ago 166 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,950 that you wanted to be an Avenger because 167 00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:17,570 you need it. 168 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,320 Yes, sir, I do. 169 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,946 But the Avengers don't do the job 170 00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,540 because they need it. 171 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,670 They do the job because people need them. 172 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,160 Do you see the distinction? 173 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,290 Yes, sir. 174 00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:32,800 Please, Mr. Hogan. 175 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,670 I don't wanna spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony. 176 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,090 All right. 177 00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:43,060 Oh, my God, you're standing. 178 00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,306 - Yeah, now's the time that we stand. - Damn it. 179 00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:46,726 Now, the problem might be that 180 00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:49,350 you're reaching a little... little too high. 181 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,860 Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss. 182 00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:55,026 Right? I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying. 183 00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,566 But not everybody's the world-saving type. 184 00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:58,240 I'm not, and I'm happy. 185 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,660 Right? I found my place. 186 00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:02,620 Find your place. 187 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:05,370 All right? Get back out there. 188 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,456 - We'll keep an eye on you. - Okay. 189 00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:08,790 Good luck. 190 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,290 - Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 191 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,920 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 192 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,420 Rejection makes me hungy. 193 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,970 - No, no. Please. - No? 194 00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:20,590 - Yeah, no, no, no. - Okay. 195 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,760 Okay, thank you. 196 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,930 You know what they say. 197 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,890 When one door closes, 198 00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,940 your locker at work opens. 199 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,890 Now let's go sell some certified pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 200 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,200 Technically, the... the Carnival's not a minivan. 201 00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,330 It's an MPV. 202 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,040 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 203 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,796 The Odyssey? That's a great question. 204 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,880 Um, it doesn't fucking suck. 205 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,336 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 206 00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,720 I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't... I don't have kids. 207 00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,750 Not that I haven't dreamt of that, 208 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,850 but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex. 209 00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:10,726 - You'll get 'em next time, pal. - Yeah. 210 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:13,260 And look, you can always go back to superhero-ing. 211 00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:15,860 I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit. 212 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,396 I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 213 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,450 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 214 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,370 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 215 00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:25,530 I'm done. 216 00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,370 I'm done. 217 00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,250 And I'm fine with being done. 218 00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,040 Look, is sales the best match? 219 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,210 Probably not. 220 00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:37,460 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 221 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,300 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 222 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,760 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 223 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,840 I'm just saying, once a month, 224 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,970 we could go on a little mission. 225 00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,770 We're human beings. We crave purpose. 226 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,600 After all, we're Deadpool. 227 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,150 Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. 228 00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,730 I'm not even Deadpool anymore. 229 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,320 Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 230 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,360 A few years ago, a friend of mine 231 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,650 got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain 232 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,780 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 233 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:13,250 Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin 234 00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,630 'cause it's your birthday? 235 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,000 What? 236 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,840 No. 237 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,880 No. 238 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,340 Surprise! 239 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,680 Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed. 240 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:30,640 Get in here. 241 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,970 If this were six years ago, you'd all be dead. 242 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,770 So then, he gets out of the cab, 243 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:35,976 and you will not believe it. 244 00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,900 I turn around, and what do I find? 245 00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:39,860 - AirPods. His AirPods. - His AirPods! 246 00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,140 - Come on. - Crazy story. 247 00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,490 - Every time. Come on. - Every single time. 248 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,200 Make any sales today? 249 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,740 You know I didn't. 250 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:51,956 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy or whatever it is that you do? 251 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,666 Our rent's due in three days, Wade. 252 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,050 I can't keep carrying you. 253 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,870 Relax. I have the money. 254 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,170 I sold some old blood pressure medication 255 00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:00,300 I found lying around. 256 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,170 You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker? 257 00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,426 I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker. 258 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,510 I pray every day that fire finds your body 259 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,890 and finishes the job God didn't have 260 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,670 - the nuts to do. - That's hurtful. 261 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,516 If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am. 262 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,020 You watched anything good? 263 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,770 Great British Bake Off. 264 00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:20,230 Oh, goddamn. 265 00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:22,566 That show stood between me and suicide for 10 years. 266 00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:25,280 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom, 267 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,530 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, 268 00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,860 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 269 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,210 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 270 00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,200 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade. 271 00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,500 Nice fake o'clock shadow. 272 00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:40,750 It's a summer balayage. From the French. 273 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:44,210 It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 274 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,170 - It's a toupée. - It's a hair system. 275 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,930 I love your hair system, Wade. 276 00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:49,390 Thank you. Heh. 277 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970 Wanna do some cocaine? 278 00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:54,520 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 279 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,226 What about Bolivian marching powder? 280 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,476 They know all the slang terms. They have a list. 281 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,316 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 282 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,396 White girl interrupted? 283 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,896 - Even Forrest Bump. - Booger sugar? 284 00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:04,236 I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts. 285 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,700 - Do you wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can't. 286 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,360 Pull here. 287 00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:11,870 - Here? - Yeah. 288 00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:14,930 - What happened? - That's the fun part. 289 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,000 - Thanks for coming. - Yeah. 290 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,460 How's work? 291 00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:21,080 Oh, I got a promotion. 292 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,040 No way. 293 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,340 Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management, but I'm happy. 294 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:27,420 That's great. 295 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,480 - You, uh, seeing anyone? - How about you? 296 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,350 Um... Yeah. 297 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,270 A guy from work. Dermot. 298 00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:37,640 Dermot. 299 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,180 - He's kind. - Good. 300 00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:40,270 Likes to go hiking. 301 00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,400 Hasn't gotten me shot yet. 302 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,610 Well, it's the early days. 303 00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,490 What about you? You seeing anyone? 304 00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:51,570 Mm... 305 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,366 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. 306 00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,850 I share a bed with Blind Al. 307 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,410 Okay. 308 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,790 - All right. - All right. 309 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,420 - Speech! Speech! - Yes! 310 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,380 All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh... 311 00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:10,420 Birthdays. 312 00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:13,176 Boy, every spin around the moon is a new adventure indeed. 313 00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,390 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 314 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,846 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 315 00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:20,020 Right. Um... 316 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,800 It's been a challenging few years. 317 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,816 Haven't seen you guys in a while. 318 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,070 Been through a lot, uh, change of life. 319 00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:28,150 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 320 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:29,780 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 321 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,696 I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 322 00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:34,370 - It's okay. - Yeah. 323 00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:36,700 But I'm happy. 324 00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:41,330 You know, and that's... that's because of each and every one of you. 325 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,290 I guess, what I'm trying to say is 326 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,836 how proud I am, how grateful I am 327 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,250 to be standing in a room 328 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,090 with every single person I love. 329 00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:57,600 I'm the luckiest man alive. 330 00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,770 Make a wish, buddy. 331 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,520 Ten-four, good buddy. 332 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,730 Going down. 333 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,980 Wade Wilson? 334 00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:12,610 Oh, yeah. Dancers. 335 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,250 Dopinder must have ordered you. 336 00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,430 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 337 00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:17,830 Never mind. 338 00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:20,060 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. 339 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,520 And this isn't Pretty Woman. 340 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,460 We're kissing. All right? 341 00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,540 What song do you guys normally dance to? 342 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,380 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 343 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:30,910 Is that supposed to be scary? 344 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,970 Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. 345 00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,100 But it is for Disney. 346 00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:36,256 Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta! 347 00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,290 Okay, I've never been a natural bottom, 348 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,220 so we're gonna take things real slow. 349 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,100 And I want some crazy eye contact. 350 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,310 Not you. You. 351 00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,766 Can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 352 00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:47,316 We're gonna move on down the hallway 353 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,396 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. 354 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,646 How's everyone feel about this plan? 355 00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,990 - I don't like you. - Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude. 356 00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:55,650 And we're gonna do it angry. 357 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:14,970 Mr. Wilson... 358 00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:19,890 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 359 00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:22,180 I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? 360 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,520 I go by the name of Paradox. 361 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,020 Mr. Paradox. And you're sitting here at the TVA. 362 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,730 The Time Variance Authority. 363 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,660 We're really a watchdog organization, 364 00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:35,280 except we're more lighthearted than that sounds, 365 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,740 with a sort of throwback, ironic twist. 366 00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,420 And we're in charge of defending 367 00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,120 what's known as the Sacred Timeline. 368 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,460 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 369 00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,376 Is this because I used Cable's time machine? 370 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,166 Brought a couple of people back to life, 371 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,290 then I destroyed it. 372 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,836 - That was a long time ago. - Yes, 373 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,550 we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. 374 00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,970 And you were so abusive of it. 375 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,680 Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that. 376 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:01,760 Walk with me. 377 00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,480 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you 378 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,980 that you're special. 379 00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,610 In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose, 380 00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:17,360 a purpose unclear even to me. 381 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:23,030 But one that could save the entire Sacred Timeline 382 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,790 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 383 00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:27,580 which may very well need to be... 384 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,120 avenged. 385 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,920 This Sacred Timeline, 386 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,800 I assume I'm going to marvel 387 00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:36,340 at how 388 00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:38,880 cinematic it feels? 389 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,930 Gratuitous cameos, 390 00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:42,926 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 391 00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:44,930 Well, you tell me. 392 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,110 Cap! 393 00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,740 You are no longer lost, Wade. 394 00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,240 You can be a hero among heroes. 395 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,110 We've been surveilling you for quite a while. 396 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,000 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 397 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,460 - And what is that? - Hmm? 398 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,630 Is that me? Is that Thor? 399 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,050 - Is he crying? - Uh, let's not 400 00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:22,430 get ahead of ourselves. 401 00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:23,806 That happens in the distant future. 402 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,516 Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. 403 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,386 Do not speak to her. Stop that. Eyes on me. 404 00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:29,770 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 405 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,690 The opportunity you sought years ago, 406 00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:33,186 but for which you were not ready. 407 00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:34,900 We believe you're ready now. 408 00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,936 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline 409 00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:39,230 and join the greatest universe of all. 410 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,366 I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted. 411 00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,866 Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in. 412 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:45,900 The power in the Marvel Universe is about to change forever. 413 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,370 I am the Messiah... 414 00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:53,460 I am... 415 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,170 Marvel Jesus. 416 00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,166 Can you excuse me for just a moment? 417 00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,650 I'm just gonna go over here. 418 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,300 Suck it, Fox! 419 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,720 I'm going to Disneyland. 420 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,350 Get fucked! 421 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,896 - Where do I sign? - Oh, there's no need for paperwork. 422 00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:16,060 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 423 00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,650 Oh. 424 00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,680 There is one thing I will need, though. 425 00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,950 Oh, fuck off! 426 00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:27,870 Adorn me, Beardo. 427 00:21:48,470 --> 00:21:49,470 Fuckin' A! 428 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,640 Uhh! It's perfect! 429 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,480 FYI, your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 430 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,230 No camel toe. 431 00:21:57,310 --> 00:21:59,900 New car smell and adamantium katanas? 432 00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:01,730 You shouldn't have. 433 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:04,190 Go ahead. Take it in. 434 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,990 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 435 00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:08,656 That guy knows what I'm talking about. 436 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,326 His clothes says middle management, 437 00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:12,950 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 438 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,910 Yes. You look very nice. 439 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,080 "Nice"? 440 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,126 Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 441 00:22:18,210 --> 00:22:19,496 - You callin' your wife? - HR. 442 00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:20,880 Does your wife work in HR? 443 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,020 I'm really glad you're taking this so well. 444 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,220 Oh, I'm taking it well. 445 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,760 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 446 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,556 That said, we should talk vacation days. 447 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,510 I'm more of a one-week-on- one-week-off kind of guy. 448 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,056 I think it's what they do in Denmark. 449 00:22:34,140 --> 00:22:35,846 You know, you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, 450 00:22:35,930 --> 00:22:37,730 but goddamn it, they're happy. 451 00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:40,396 Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire phone there 452 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,940 and zip me back home 453 00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:45,106 so I can let my friends know that they've been upgraded to disciples. 454 00:22:45,190 --> 00:22:48,280 Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand. 455 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,950 Um, you will not be returning to your home 456 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:53,240 because there will be no home to return to. 457 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:54,330 Come again? 458 00:22:54,410 --> 00:22:55,460 This time in my ears. 459 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,920 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 460 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,630 That is what happens 461 00:23:05,710 --> 00:23:08,970 when a universe loses their Anchor Being. 462 00:23:09,050 --> 00:23:11,300 See how it decays from the inside? 463 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,090 - This is how a reality dies. - What's an Anchor Being? 464 00:23:14,140 --> 00:23:16,346 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance 465 00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:17,430 that when they die, 466 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,100 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 467 00:23:21,190 --> 00:23:24,020 You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. 468 00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,776 It was just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now. 469 00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:28,150 Oh, no, no, no. 470 00:23:32,570 --> 00:23:34,910 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 471 00:23:34,990 --> 00:23:37,580 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 472 00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:39,960 - Yeah. - Oh! 473 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,250 - Yeah. - No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson. 474 00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,380 Your Anchor Being died 475 00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:47,260 in an act of self-sacrifice so epic 476 00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:50,130 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 477 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:53,350 I am referring, of course, to... 478 00:23:54,470 --> 00:23:58,270 Logan. The Wolverine. 479 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:04,020 Don't be what they made you. 480 00:24:14,450 --> 00:24:16,700 Ah, so this is what it feels like... 481 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:19,540 Logan. 482 00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:22,920 Of course. Logan. 483 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,250 Logan? 484 00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,260 The guy with forks for hands? 485 00:24:29,340 --> 00:24:31,300 That Wolverine? 486 00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,340 Yeah, I got it. 487 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:36,216 You can turn your retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 488 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,200 We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. We certainly can't stop it. 489 00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:42,100 How long have we got? 490 00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:45,610 - In most cases, couple thousand years. - Well, sweet. 491 00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:48,040 Well, most cases aren't fast enough. Not for me. 492 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,610 What does that mean? 493 00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:51,950 It means that I have been tasked 494 00:24:52,030 --> 00:24:54,280 with overseeing the end of your universe. 495 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,366 And regardless of what 496 00:24:55,450 --> 00:24:57,156 the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer, 497 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,950 I will not waste my life 498 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,210 watching it die slowly of natural causes. 499 00:25:02,290 --> 00:25:04,330 We used to just prune these things. 500 00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:05,546 Simple. Elegant. Efficient. 501 00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:08,830 But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore. Well, I do. 502 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,626 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 503 00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:13,180 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 504 00:25:13,260 --> 00:25:15,050 We need a mercy killer. 505 00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,720 And in this instance, 506 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,760 I am the mercy killer. Ha! 507 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,230 What in the MacGuffin is that? 508 00:25:26,310 --> 00:25:28,440 That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 509 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,360 An accelerant. 510 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,030 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy 511 00:25:33,110 --> 00:25:35,030 the spacetime matrix of your universe. 512 00:25:35,110 --> 00:25:37,280 You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. 513 00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:39,330 I want to be the TVA. 514 00:25:39,410 --> 00:25:42,040 And the first step involves showing this organization 515 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,020 how much more efficient it can become. 516 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,836 To wit, I will be giving your universe 517 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,460 a swift and compassionate end. 518 00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:49,916 And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. 519 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,880 It'll be over just like this. "Oh, what's that?" 520 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,340 Trust me. 521 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:09,360 You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 522 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,730 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 523 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,196 Two in the heart, one in the head. 524 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,320 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 525 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,120 You can either rejoin your loved ones and collectively cease to exist in, 526 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,030 I'd say, 72 hours. Or... 527 00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:24,410 you join the Sacred Timeline. 528 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:28,790 And you end your days of insignificance and mediocrity. 529 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,090 Wade. 530 00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:35,010 Wade, you can finally, finally matter. 531 00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,890 That's all I've ever really wanted. 532 00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:48,100 I know. 533 00:26:48,850 --> 00:26:49,850 I know. 534 00:26:50,730 --> 00:26:54,190 And you know I'm... I'm nothing if not morally flexible. 535 00:26:56,650 --> 00:26:57,650 Yep, yep. 536 00:26:59,990 --> 00:27:00,990 I'll do it. 537 00:27:01,070 --> 00:27:02,160 Wise choice. 538 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,996 The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you. 539 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,746 I was actually talking about finding the Wolverine 540 00:27:05,830 --> 00:27:07,380 and breaking your fucking nose. 541 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,140 Find him. Find him! 542 00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:24,930 And boy, did he ever. 543 00:27:26,850 --> 00:27:28,300 Which brings us back to this. 544 00:27:30,770 --> 00:27:32,770 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 545 00:27:36,820 --> 00:27:38,320 Oh, my God! 546 00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:41,780 Oh! My own fucking arm! 547 00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:47,540 Now we're talkin'! 548 00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:48,580 Not like this! 549 00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:51,170 No, dear God! No! 550 00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:53,040 I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 551 00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:54,420 Make it stop! 552 00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:56,130 Mangold tried. 553 00:27:58,420 --> 00:28:00,550 You sick fuck! 554 00:28:00,630 --> 00:28:01,680 Logan was a hero. 555 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,550 And the only thing worth a shit 556 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,990 to ever come out of Canada. 557 00:28:12,850 --> 00:28:15,070 Get my country's name 558 00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:17,150 out of your fuckin' mouth. 559 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,860 And my sword. Give me that. 560 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,620 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 561 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,540 An alive one. 562 00:28:27,620 --> 00:28:29,790 Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out. 563 00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:38,090 Logan! 564 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,930 I'm gonna need you to come with me. 565 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,760 Who's asking? 566 00:28:47,970 --> 00:28:50,180 Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 567 00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,350 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 568 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,310 Yes, you did! Comic-accurate short king. 569 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,270 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 570 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,440 Cue the fuckin' montage, baby. 571 00:28:59,530 --> 00:29:01,190 Ahoy! 572 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,200 Everything seems to be on fire. 573 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,490 You have a dragon? 574 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,660 Ooh, you have Anchor Being written all over-- 575 00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:18,670 Patch! 576 00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:21,800 Oh, now we're talkin'. 577 00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:23,720 Oh, yeah. 578 00:29:24,630 --> 00:29:26,830 That's the whole goddamn package right there. 579 00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:28,220 Howdy! 580 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:31,100 I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings. 581 00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:33,600 Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil. 582 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,820 What in the fuck? 583 00:29:39,900 --> 00:29:41,730 Are you okay? 584 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,490 Oh, yes, yes. 585 00:29:43,570 --> 00:29:45,950 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 586 00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,180 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 587 00:29:50,410 --> 00:29:51,996 I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, 588 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:53,080 and I will not-- 589 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,760 It's not you. We're just going in a different direction. 590 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,976 You know, from behind, you look a little bit like Henry-- 591 00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:12,220 Oh, my fuck! 592 00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:15,270 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 593 00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,690 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 594 00:30:18,770 --> 00:30:20,690 this just feels right. 595 00:30:20,770 --> 00:30:23,816 We will treat you so much better than those shit fucks down the street. 596 00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:25,950 - You were just leavin'. - No, sir. 597 00:30:26,030 --> 00:30:28,080 Not while the fate of my universe is at-- 598 00:30:32,290 --> 00:30:33,660 This one looks promising. 599 00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:34,750 Down you go. 600 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:37,500 Again. 601 00:30:38,540 --> 00:30:40,590 I told you. You're not welcome here. 602 00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:42,170 You're not welcome anywhere. 603 00:30:42,250 --> 00:30:43,546 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 604 00:30:43,630 --> 00:30:46,170 Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave. 605 00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,970 That's not how it works. 606 00:30:48,050 --> 00:30:50,180 It does now. Leave the bottle. 607 00:30:50,260 --> 00:30:51,600 I know you, bub? 608 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,430 Nope. But I know you. 609 00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:55,350 Everybody knows me. 610 00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:57,980 I'm the Wolverine. 611 00:30:58,060 --> 00:31:00,560 Yes, you are. 612 00:31:00,650 --> 00:31:03,050 And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now. 613 00:31:03,940 --> 00:31:05,316 Look, lady, I'm not interested. 614 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,550 - Really gettin' into your cups here. - Why would I go with you? 615 00:31:09,410 --> 00:31:11,120 Because, unfortunately, 616 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,490 I need you, 617 00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:16,580 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 618 00:31:17,330 --> 00:31:18,750 You two gonna fuck or fight? 619 00:31:22,710 --> 00:31:24,160 You gonna take that from him? 620 00:31:24,590 --> 00:31:26,050 Yep. 621 00:31:26,130 --> 00:31:28,006 I can tell you have a sort of don't-get-too-close- 622 00:31:28,090 --> 00:31:29,796 I'll-only-break-your-heart vibe going here, 623 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,306 but every other Wolverine would've really hurt me by now. 624 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:33,596 And I'm sort of on the tick-tick. 625 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,266 - So, upsy-daisy. Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 626 00:31:35,350 --> 00:31:37,500 - Up you go. I got you, big guy. - Hey, hey! 627 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,520 Oh. 628 00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:42,186 Whiskey dick of the claws. 629 00:31:42,270 --> 00:31:43,646 It's quite common in Wolverines over 40. 630 00:31:43,730 --> 00:31:45,320 You don't want this. 631 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,606 You're right. I don't. And you don't want this. 632 00:31:47,690 --> 00:31:50,406 Unless you wanna take a deep breath through your fuckin' forehead, 633 00:31:50,490 --> 00:31:52,570 I suggest you reconsider. 634 00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:53,700 Let's go, peanut. 635 00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,870 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 636 00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:01,670 Watch this. 637 00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:04,710 All right. That-- Whoa. 638 00:32:05,210 --> 00:32:06,090 Easy. 639 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:10,880 Good God. 640 00:32:11,510 --> 00:32:13,460 Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya? 641 00:32:14,510 --> 00:32:16,060 It's okay. Keep goin'. 642 00:32:16,140 --> 00:32:18,240 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 643 00:32:23,770 --> 00:32:25,440 Guess you'll have to do. 644 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,030 Okay, here we-- 645 00:32:28,230 --> 00:32:30,450 Oh! Look at those jammies. 646 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,030 That only took 20 fucking years. 647 00:32:34,370 --> 00:32:36,620 One Anchor Being coming right up! 648 00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:38,580 On your left, baby girl. 649 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,580 This Logan has the same he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look. 650 00:32:42,670 --> 00:32:44,496 And bonus, he's actually wearing a costume 651 00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,876 like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once. 652 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,800 I don't understand. 653 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,176 You said my universe is dying 654 00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:53,130 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 655 00:32:53,220 --> 00:32:55,260 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 656 00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:59,640 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being 657 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,020 with this? 658 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:04,396 I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine, BT dubs. 659 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,440 But you have outdone yourself 660 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,610 and brought me the worst Wolverine! 661 00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:11,040 - What do you mean, the worst one? - Mr. Wilson. 662 00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:14,530 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 663 00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:17,286 He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 664 00:33:17,370 --> 00:33:18,950 And what he did, 665 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:20,540 well, 666 00:33:20,620 --> 00:33:22,750 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 667 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,040 Okay. 668 00:33:26,130 --> 00:33:28,880 How do I... How do I make this right? I'll do anything. 669 00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:32,340 I gave you a chance at greatness. 670 00:33:32,420 --> 00:33:34,970 Because my superiors deemed you "special." 671 00:33:35,050 --> 00:33:36,596 Clearly not special in a good way. 672 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,600 Apparently you have some important future purpose to serve. 673 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:40,830 With Thor. He holds me. 674 00:33:40,850 --> 00:33:42,890 But I did my duty. 675 00:33:42,980 --> 00:33:44,896 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 676 00:33:44,980 --> 00:33:48,270 And instead of accepting my offering with humility and gratitude, 677 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:49,270 you broke my nose. 678 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:50,440 It looks great. 679 00:33:50,530 --> 00:33:52,400 And you decimated dozens of my men 680 00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:54,190 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 681 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,326 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 682 00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:57,536 What are you, the Internet? 683 00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,950 Your world is dying! 684 00:34:00,030 --> 00:34:01,410 Thank you very much. 685 00:34:01,490 --> 00:34:02,840 And there's no stopping it. 686 00:34:04,660 --> 00:34:07,500 The humane thing to do is to make it quick. 687 00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:10,256 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish? 688 00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:11,840 I'm eating my feelings. 689 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,716 I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about 690 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,840 because that hairy thundercunt from down undercunt finally dies, 691 00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:20,390 and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 692 00:34:20,470 --> 00:34:22,020 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 693 00:34:22,470 --> 00:34:24,420 You're joining at a bit of a low point. 694 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:26,730 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 695 00:34:26,810 --> 00:34:28,016 I want you to get him on the phone 696 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,060 and you tell him, her, or them, 697 00:34:30,150 --> 00:34:32,230 that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing. 698 00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:38,740 Holy shit. 699 00:34:39,490 --> 00:34:41,450 I just heard a symphony 700 00:34:41,530 --> 00:34:43,410 of buttholes clenching all at once. 701 00:34:43,490 --> 00:34:44,870 You're off grid. 702 00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:47,496 Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here. 703 00:34:47,580 --> 00:34:50,206 Well, I'll tell you what. I have a black belt in Karen... 704 00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:51,630 And I'm gonna go upstairs 705 00:34:51,710 --> 00:34:54,010 and I'm gonna tell 'em all about you and your-- 706 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,470 Oh, silence is nice, isn't it? 707 00:34:56,550 --> 00:34:57,636 Where the fuck did he go? 708 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,670 To the trash heap. You'll fit right in. 709 00:35:01,260 --> 00:35:03,560 Whew. That was close. 710 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,080 Don't just stand there, you ape. 711 00:35:27,540 --> 00:35:28,540 Give me a hand up. 712 00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:31,790 Nope. I'm actually okay. 713 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,460 Thank you very much. 714 00:35:34,670 --> 00:35:36,010 Where the hell are we? 715 00:35:36,090 --> 00:35:38,300 I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 716 00:35:38,380 --> 00:35:40,380 But that would be IP infringement, right? 717 00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,680 Fucking jokes. 718 00:35:45,180 --> 00:35:46,640 Fuck! Fuck. 719 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,266 Were you even listening back there? 720 00:35:48,350 --> 00:35:51,020 If we don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, 721 00:35:51,100 --> 00:35:52,550 everyone I know is gonna die. 722 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,230 Not my fuckin' problem. 723 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,610 Oh, is that all you got? 724 00:35:56,570 --> 00:35:59,070 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 725 00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:01,820 Come again? 726 00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:03,370 Yeah, I heard all about you. 727 00:36:04,030 --> 00:36:06,080 How you screwed up everything. 728 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,166 You should be thankin' me for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 729 00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,210 You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 730 00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:18,750 Are you ready to be calm now? 731 00:36:25,970 --> 00:36:28,310 Rest in pieces, Fox. 732 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,900 I don't want to fight you, peanut. 733 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:47,640 Doesn't matter what you did. 734 00:36:47,660 --> 00:36:49,250 I just need your help. 735 00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:52,040 I don't fuckin' care. 736 00:36:53,370 --> 00:36:55,290 Uh... Uh-oh. 737 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,180 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 738 00:37:07,470 --> 00:37:08,680 All right. 739 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,140 Fuck it. 740 00:37:10,890 --> 00:37:12,646 Let's give the people what they came for. 741 00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:15,190 Let's fuckin' go. 742 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,570 Get your special sock out, nerds. 743 00:37:18,650 --> 00:37:20,360 It's gonna get good. 744 00:38:10,870 --> 00:38:12,370 Ew. 745 00:38:13,450 --> 00:38:14,540 Gotcha! 746 00:38:20,630 --> 00:38:22,590 Baby Knife! 747 00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:27,680 Let's see you grow 748 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:28,756 your fuckin' head back. 749 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,766 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 750 00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,900 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 751 00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:35,020 Whatever made you so bad. 752 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:39,440 Those... Those pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 753 00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:41,816 They have the power to end my universe, 754 00:38:41,900 --> 00:38:45,070 but they also have the power to change yours. 755 00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:49,910 We get back there, and we can fix your world. 756 00:38:49,990 --> 00:38:51,080 Together. 757 00:38:52,540 --> 00:38:53,620 I promise. 758 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:56,370 They can fix it. 759 00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:58,750 Hey! 760 00:38:58,830 --> 00:39:00,920 We fight each other, we lose. 761 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,210 Dear God, it's him. 762 00:39:02,290 --> 00:39:04,380 - Who? - The one. 763 00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:07,220 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 764 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,300 White guys' answer to all the disappointments. 765 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:11,720 And another A-lister. 766 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,260 Fair warning, gorgeous. 767 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:15,386 You're going to encounter some indelicate language, 768 00:39:15,470 --> 00:39:18,310 a smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited 769 00:39:18,390 --> 00:39:20,230 from using cocaine. On camera. 770 00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:21,980 - They're coming. - Who's "they"? 771 00:39:28,610 --> 00:39:29,990 Oh, they're driving angry. 772 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,870 Now that's a superhero landing. 773 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,090 I got this. 774 00:40:09,820 --> 00:40:11,160 Stay close. 775 00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:12,410 Aye, aye, Cap'n. 776 00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:14,780 You got this. 777 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,540 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 778 00:40:21,580 --> 00:40:22,580 You can't run. 779 00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:23,960 Everybody knows that. 780 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,250 You see anyone runnin', dick for brains? 781 00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:29,420 You're not gonna love what happens next. 782 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,180 Oh. Oh, my God. 783 00:40:31,260 --> 00:40:33,216 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he's gonna say it. 784 00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:34,350 - Ah! Fuck. - Ha! 785 00:40:34,430 --> 00:40:36,640 - Oh, my God! He's gonna say it! - Say what? 786 00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:37,810 Avengers, assemble... 787 00:40:37,890 --> 00:40:39,540 - Flame on! - I'm sorry, what now? 788 00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:03,790 Ohh! Fuck! 789 00:41:03,870 --> 00:41:04,750 Ahhh! 790 00:41:08,050 --> 00:41:10,046 - We don't know that guy. - We thought we did. 791 00:41:10,130 --> 00:41:11,720 I know you. 792 00:41:12,590 --> 00:41:14,760 Holy sh-- 793 00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,430 Sabretooth. Your brother. 794 00:41:19,470 --> 00:41:21,310 Ready to die? 795 00:41:21,390 --> 00:41:23,850 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 796 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,270 You look ridiculous. 797 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,900 People have waited decades for this fight. 798 00:41:28,980 --> 00:41:30,780 It's not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 799 00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:32,950 Shoot the double, you take him down. 800 00:41:33,030 --> 00:41:34,780 Side control, then full mount, 801 00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:36,370 and you ground and pound 802 00:41:36,450 --> 00:41:37,996 till he makes no sound because he's dead. 803 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:39,910 - Shut the fuck up! - Oh, my God! 804 00:41:39,990 --> 00:41:41,830 Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan. 805 00:41:54,430 --> 00:41:55,970 What is it, girl? 806 00:41:56,050 --> 00:41:58,010 Is there trouble at the well? 807 00:42:02,730 --> 00:42:04,270 Big trouble. 808 00:42:04,350 --> 00:42:06,230 Behold! 809 00:42:06,310 --> 00:42:09,150 The head of your precious queen, 810 00:42:09,230 --> 00:42:10,230 Furiosa! 811 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,190 I have the Wolverine! 812 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,530 I alone control her! 813 00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:18,410 You come for me, 814 00:42:19,030 --> 00:42:21,290 you come for her. 815 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:24,996 So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him." 816 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,876 I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear. 817 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,130 Who's next? 818 00:42:28,210 --> 00:42:29,340 Toad! 819 00:42:29,420 --> 00:42:30,250 You're up. 820 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:38,890 Uh-oh. 821 00:42:38,970 --> 00:42:40,070 - Oh, holy sh-- - Fuck. 822 00:42:51,610 --> 00:42:52,980 God of Thunder. 823 00:42:56,990 --> 00:42:58,280 How long was I asleep? 824 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,120 Not all of you was asleep. 825 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,660 Don't bother. 826 00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:03,620 They're very thorough. 827 00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:06,120 If you know where we are, start talking. 828 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,000 You're in The Void. 829 00:43:08,620 --> 00:43:09,920 Think of it as purgatory. 830 00:43:10,630 --> 00:43:13,090 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 831 00:43:13,170 --> 00:43:14,590 Where anything useless goes 832 00:43:14,670 --> 00:43:16,510 before it gets annihilated forever. 833 00:43:17,510 --> 00:43:19,596 And where the TVA sends people that don't play nice 834 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,926 with the rest of the multiverse. 835 00:43:21,010 --> 00:43:22,930 - Like you? - And you. 836 00:43:23,010 --> 00:43:24,810 What does the annihilating? 837 00:43:24,890 --> 00:43:26,100 Alioth. 838 00:43:26,180 --> 00:43:29,810 Alioth is in this thing? From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5? 839 00:43:29,900 --> 00:43:31,900 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 840 00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:33,730 Most don't make it. 841 00:43:33,820 --> 00:43:35,270 There's a resistance, though. 842 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:38,530 Other people like us that managed to survive. 843 00:43:38,610 --> 00:43:40,406 They're hidin' out in the borderlands, 844 00:43:40,490 --> 00:43:42,700 trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 845 00:43:42,780 --> 00:43:44,200 Then that's where we go. 846 00:43:44,290 --> 00:43:46,200 "We"? Us? A team? 847 00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,040 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 848 00:43:48,830 --> 00:43:50,290 Fuck! You nicked it. 849 00:43:50,370 --> 00:43:52,166 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 850 00:43:52,250 --> 00:43:54,126 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 851 00:43:54,210 --> 00:43:55,250 Make 'em fix things. 852 00:43:57,340 --> 00:43:59,130 Something funny, bub? 853 00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:00,886 She might have somethin' to say about that. 854 00:44:00,970 --> 00:44:02,010 Who's "she"? 855 00:44:03,470 --> 00:44:04,680 In The Void, 856 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,430 you're either food for Alioth 857 00:44:07,220 --> 00:44:09,140 or you work for her. 858 00:45:21,380 --> 00:45:23,510 Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 859 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,630 Oh, you must be this year's Juggernaut. 860 00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,226 - Thank you. - I'd keep your voices down. 861 00:45:28,310 --> 00:45:29,436 She don't like the chatter. 862 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,640 She's gonna love you. 863 00:45:46,570 --> 00:45:48,200 Is it... Is that Charles? 864 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,790 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us! 865 00:45:50,870 --> 00:45:52,000 That's not Chuck. 866 00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:53,290 Ah, shit. 867 00:45:55,210 --> 00:45:56,420 Oh, ableism. Great. 868 00:45:56,500 --> 00:45:58,850 That's not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 869 00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,420 A Wolverine. 870 00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,380 I wondered when I'd get one of you. 871 00:46:04,090 --> 00:46:05,260 You're one of Xavier's. 872 00:46:05,340 --> 00:46:06,940 You-You know him? You know Chuck? 873 00:46:06,970 --> 00:46:08,010 Oh, I knew him. 874 00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:09,810 We shared a womb. 875 00:46:09,890 --> 00:46:12,140 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow 876 00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:13,730 with my umbilical cord. 877 00:46:13,810 --> 00:46:16,810 Amen. I've never loved roommates. Mine's blind. 878 00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,690 Except she can see cocaine. 879 00:46:18,770 --> 00:46:20,270 For some... reason. 880 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,440 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I'm dying here. 881 00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:24,530 Who are you? 882 00:46:24,610 --> 00:46:27,490 Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova. 883 00:46:27,570 --> 00:46:29,076 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 884 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,120 Hmm. You two are cute. 885 00:46:31,950 --> 00:46:33,600 I have a good feeling about this. 886 00:46:36,420 --> 00:46:39,370 And I've been trying to catch this little firefly for years. 887 00:46:40,210 --> 00:46:41,670 Haven't I, Johnny? 888 00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:45,760 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 889 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,760 Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 890 00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,136 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don't-- 891 00:46:49,220 --> 00:46:51,420 We're just talkin' here. Yeah, Johnny told us 892 00:46:51,430 --> 00:46:53,720 you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 893 00:46:53,810 --> 00:46:57,060 His words, not mine. Hellbent on domination and pain. 894 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,230 You said all that about me? 895 00:47:00,310 --> 00:47:01,730 No! No! I don't... 896 00:47:01,820 --> 00:47:04,570 - I didn't say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 897 00:47:05,490 --> 00:47:07,360 Don't let her intimidate you. 898 00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:09,240 It's like you said in the convoy. 899 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,580 This finger-lickin' dead-inside 900 00:47:11,660 --> 00:47:14,620 pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk 901 00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:15,956 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring 902 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,210 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 903 00:47:18,290 --> 00:47:20,390 Okay. I have never said any of those words 904 00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:22,540 - in my entire life! - Ha! The modesty. 905 00:47:22,630 --> 00:47:24,340 People think I'm a shit talker. 906 00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:25,510 But this guy... 907 00:47:25,590 --> 00:47:26,590 Next level. 908 00:47:26,670 --> 00:47:28,880 What? This... I... We... 909 00:47:28,970 --> 00:47:30,256 I don't even know what half of that means! 910 00:47:30,340 --> 00:47:32,056 - This... I... - My hat's off to you, sir. 911 00:47:32,140 --> 00:47:33,676 - Truly. - What? This... I didn't... He's... 912 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,390 That's... I... 913 00:47:35,470 --> 00:47:36,640 I... I don't-- 914 00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:42,940 Not my favorite Chris. 915 00:47:43,020 --> 00:47:45,566 You stupid piece of shit. You just got him fucking killed! 916 00:47:45,650 --> 00:47:47,820 Hey! We're all grieving! 917 00:47:47,900 --> 00:47:50,250 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 918 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,990 Alioth is hungry. 919 00:47:54,790 --> 00:47:56,500 There's been some kind of mistake. 920 00:47:56,580 --> 00:47:58,580 Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being, 921 00:47:58,660 --> 00:48:01,080 and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty. 922 00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:02,246 This may be hard to hear, 923 00:48:02,330 --> 00:48:05,006 but there's another British villain who's gonna destroy my universe, 924 00:48:05,090 --> 00:48:06,300 and I'm gonna stop him. 925 00:48:06,380 --> 00:48:09,480 Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as the world-saving type. 926 00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:12,720 Did I hit a nerve? 927 00:48:13,930 --> 00:48:16,010 I didn't want it to come to this. 928 00:48:16,100 --> 00:48:17,100 Either you help us 929 00:48:17,180 --> 00:48:20,266 or my friend here is gonna sing the entire second act of Music Man 930 00:48:20,350 --> 00:48:21,350 with zero warm-up. 931 00:48:22,350 --> 00:48:23,650 Where'd you get the chair? 932 00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:26,440 Well, once in a while, I do get a Charles through here. 933 00:48:26,530 --> 00:48:28,030 Never mine, though. 934 00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:31,360 No. He didn't care to find me. 935 00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:35,120 Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 936 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,826 Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 937 00:48:37,910 --> 00:48:39,540 or cancer like the rest of us? 938 00:48:39,620 --> 00:48:41,460 But I'm not like the rest of you. 939 00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:43,380 Except maybe the Wolverine. 940 00:48:43,460 --> 00:48:45,920 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 941 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,340 You're that scary, huh? 942 00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:49,340 The TVA certainly thought so. 943 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,930 They sent me here before I could walk. 944 00:48:52,510 --> 00:48:55,410 And you know, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. 945 00:48:55,550 --> 00:48:56,560 I love it here. 946 00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,060 You live in a garbage dump. 947 00:48:58,140 --> 00:49:01,310 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 948 00:49:01,390 --> 00:49:03,230 The Void is a paradise. 949 00:49:03,310 --> 00:49:06,980 I can wield my power here without shame. 950 00:49:07,070 --> 00:49:09,400 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier 951 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:10,860 to teach me temperance. 952 00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:13,320 What about your Charles? 953 00:49:13,410 --> 00:49:14,620 Did he protect you? 954 00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:17,780 Did he make you feel safe? 955 00:49:17,870 --> 00:49:19,470 We're mutants. We're never safe. 956 00:49:27,710 --> 00:49:30,466 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't... I don't want the smoke. 957 00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:31,636 I don't have any beef with you. 958 00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:33,270 I just want to save my friends. 959 00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:34,556 I just... I want to go home. 960 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,386 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 961 00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:38,140 - Good. - But I don't want to. 962 00:49:38,220 --> 00:49:40,390 Not good. 963 00:49:42,890 --> 00:49:45,520 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 964 00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,940 Your... fingers are inside me, 965 00:49:48,020 --> 00:49:49,150 but not in a good way. 966 00:49:49,230 --> 00:49:52,280 My brother could enter one's mind with a thought. 967 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,700 I have to get my hands dirty. 968 00:49:57,570 --> 00:49:58,910 I've got you. 969 00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:02,910 I've got you... 970 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,460 What do you mean? 971 00:50:08,170 --> 00:50:10,670 I can't... I can't reach you. You're not here. 972 00:50:10,750 --> 00:50:12,050 I'm right here. 973 00:50:12,670 --> 00:50:15,550 - No, you're not. I can't... - I'm right here. 974 00:50:15,630 --> 00:50:17,640 Then show me. You got to do something. 975 00:50:18,930 --> 00:50:20,430 Show you what? 976 00:50:20,510 --> 00:50:23,270 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 977 00:50:24,390 --> 00:50:28,190 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 978 00:50:28,940 --> 00:50:30,860 Baby, you never got back up. 979 00:50:33,110 --> 00:50:34,906 I know you're going through something. 980 00:50:34,990 --> 00:50:36,780 Let me go through it with you. 981 00:50:38,410 --> 00:50:41,410 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 982 00:50:43,580 --> 00:50:44,710 Where'd you go? 983 00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:46,790 Oh, my God. 984 00:50:49,790 --> 00:50:51,290 You just say it. Okay? 985 00:50:52,300 --> 00:50:54,900 Say, "I don't want you. I don't want to be with you." 986 00:50:55,590 --> 00:50:57,176 Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don't..." 987 00:50:57,260 --> 00:50:58,426 Say it. You don't wanna be with me. 988 00:50:58,510 --> 00:51:01,310 Tell me that and I'll walk away. Say, "I don't want you." 989 00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,100 Fuck... 990 00:51:09,190 --> 00:51:11,730 You'll never fucking matter. 991 00:51:15,610 --> 00:51:16,650 What? 992 00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,320 - You'll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 993 00:51:26,290 --> 00:51:28,790 - You'll... - You'll... 994 00:51:28,870 --> 00:51:30,750 - never... - never... 995 00:51:30,830 --> 00:51:32,170 - fucking... - fucking... 996 00:51:32,250 --> 00:51:34,920 - matter. - matter... 997 00:51:37,010 --> 00:51:38,380 She never said that. 998 00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:39,470 No. 999 00:51:39,550 --> 00:51:41,510 But I bet she thought it. 1000 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,390 You are so mean! 1001 00:51:45,470 --> 00:51:48,470 My brain could taste your fingers, and they tasted like hate! 1002 00:51:48,810 --> 00:51:51,400 And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator? 1003 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,320 You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. 1004 00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,490 And long before you came here. 1005 00:51:58,030 --> 00:52:00,406 This is Baby Knife. She's gonna fuck you in the face now. 1006 00:52:00,490 --> 00:52:01,870 If you want to kill me, 1007 00:52:01,950 --> 00:52:03,616 it's going to take more than a little blade. 1008 00:52:03,700 --> 00:52:04,790 How about six? 1009 00:52:05,950 --> 00:52:08,620 My boy's wicked strong. 1010 00:52:09,250 --> 00:52:10,670 That's my big boy. 1011 00:52:10,750 --> 00:52:12,290 Yes, you are. 1012 00:52:18,090 --> 00:52:19,720 Well, this has been fun. 1013 00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,300 But the big guy needs to eat, and the rent is due. 1014 00:52:25,510 --> 00:52:26,560 By the way, 1015 00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:28,140 you're the rent. 1016 00:52:47,410 --> 00:52:50,160 Come on! Fuck! 1017 00:52:50,250 --> 00:52:51,410 You comin' or what? 1018 00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,710 Coming! 1019 00:53:12,730 --> 00:53:13,686 What you thinkin' 'bout? 1020 00:53:13,770 --> 00:53:15,476 - Get the fuck off of me! - Shh, shh, shh. 1021 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,570 - Almost done. - Almost done what? 1022 00:53:17,650 --> 00:53:19,550 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, 1023 00:53:19,570 --> 00:53:21,190 - pervert! - Aah! Fuck! 1024 00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,070 Get your mind out of my pants! 1025 00:53:23,150 --> 00:53:25,410 - I'm telling Blake. - New rules. 1026 00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:27,030 I talk now. 1027 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,366 That's gonna be very hard on the audience. 1028 00:53:28,450 --> 00:53:30,250 Shut the fuck up! 1029 00:53:30,870 --> 00:53:31,920 Let me fuckin' think. 1030 00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,120 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 1031 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:36,920 Right? 1032 00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:39,716 Je m'excuse. Am I allowed to speak now or-- 1033 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,090 Just nod, asshole. 1034 00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:45,410 - Right. - Then we find the others 1035 00:53:45,430 --> 00:53:47,766 that poor kid, Johnny, was talking about before you got him killed! 1036 00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:49,560 "Poor kid." He's, like, 50! 1037 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,226 Yeah, if there's a chance they know how to get out of here, we find 'em. 1038 00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:54,310 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit 1039 00:53:54,390 --> 00:53:55,690 like you fucking promised! 1040 00:53:55,730 --> 00:53:57,020 I smell quest. 1041 00:53:59,900 --> 00:54:01,150 I smell food. 1042 00:54:04,820 --> 00:54:07,530 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 1043 00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:11,456 Mine's red so they can't see me bleed. 1044 00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:14,290 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 1045 00:54:14,370 --> 00:54:15,920 Have you been checked for ADHD? 1046 00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,080 Mm-mm. 1047 00:54:17,170 --> 00:54:19,460 But I've had several STDs, 1048 00:54:19,540 --> 00:54:21,460 which were probably caused by ADHD. 1049 00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:22,920 Fuck! 1050 00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:24,970 What are you looking for? 1051 00:54:25,340 --> 00:54:26,720 Oh. Thank fuck. 1052 00:54:28,180 --> 00:54:29,976 No, no, no, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol. 1053 00:54:30,060 --> 00:54:31,306 You don't want to drink-- Oh, yeah. 1054 00:54:31,390 --> 00:54:33,060 There you go. Fuck that liver. 1055 00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,480 Good. Okay. 1056 00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:39,440 - What the fuck are those? - Oh. 1057 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:41,860 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupée, 1058 00:54:41,940 --> 00:54:43,440 but nobody knows. 1059 00:54:45,780 --> 00:54:47,240 Everybody knows. 1060 00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:51,576 Wanna talk about what's haunting you, 1061 00:54:51,660 --> 00:54:53,830 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 1062 00:54:53,910 --> 00:54:55,750 Ah... Go fuck yourself. 1063 00:54:59,210 --> 00:55:00,210 You know... 1064 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,260 in my world, you're... 1065 00:55:05,380 --> 00:55:06,510 You're well regarded. 1066 00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:08,220 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1067 00:55:09,430 --> 00:55:11,056 They don't like me much in mine either. 1068 00:55:11,140 --> 00:55:12,510 You don't say. 1069 00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:14,600 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1070 00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,200 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1071 00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:19,230 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1072 00:55:19,850 --> 00:55:22,450 I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1073 00:55:23,940 --> 00:55:25,066 When my girlfriend left me, 1074 00:55:25,150 --> 00:55:26,736 - and I just-- - You had a girlfriend? 1075 00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:27,820 Yeah. 1076 00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:29,450 Vanessa. 1077 00:55:29,950 --> 00:55:31,450 When we met, she was a dancer. 1078 00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:33,580 We had a whole life. 1079 00:55:34,870 --> 00:55:35,870 It was good. 1080 00:55:36,580 --> 00:55:38,670 But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah. 1081 00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,500 Fucked that right up. 1082 00:55:42,380 --> 00:55:44,590 But you, you were an X-Man. 1083 00:55:44,670 --> 00:55:46,880 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1084 00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:49,970 The Wolverine. 1085 00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:53,890 He was a hero in my world. 1086 00:55:55,850 --> 00:55:56,850 Yeah, well... 1087 00:55:58,060 --> 00:55:59,160 he ain't shit in mine. 1088 00:56:04,270 --> 00:56:07,150 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1089 00:56:08,150 --> 00:56:09,360 He died. 1090 00:56:09,450 --> 00:56:10,740 How? 1091 00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:13,826 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but, 1092 00:56:13,910 --> 00:56:15,656 really, you just ran out of batteries 1093 00:56:15,740 --> 00:56:17,910 - trying to save someone. - Who? 1094 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,870 The shitheels that grew her in a lab 1095 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,370 called her "X-23." But... 1096 00:56:22,130 --> 00:56:23,250 she was just a kid. 1097 00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,550 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1098 00:56:27,630 --> 00:56:29,300 You died trying to save her. 1099 00:56:29,380 --> 00:56:30,380 It was beautiful. 1100 00:56:31,340 --> 00:56:33,260 Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'. 1101 00:56:34,010 --> 00:56:36,470 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, 1102 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,560 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1103 00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,266 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain instead of running from it. 1104 00:56:42,350 --> 00:56:44,110 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she's wise. 1105 00:56:44,190 --> 00:56:46,646 No, no, no. That's her name? You call her "Blind Al"? 1106 00:56:46,730 --> 00:56:47,730 Well, she's blind. 1107 00:57:25,310 --> 00:57:26,650 Look at you! 1108 00:57:26,730 --> 00:57:27,820 She's coming with us. 1109 00:57:27,900 --> 00:57:29,736 - No, she's not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1110 00:57:29,820 --> 00:57:31,820 - Oh, yes-- - Sorry! 1111 00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:33,570 Sorry about that! 1112 00:57:33,660 --> 00:57:36,120 Come here, girl! 1113 00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,490 Who are you? 1114 00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:40,200 Oh, I'm Deadpool. And I guess you're Deadpool too. 1115 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,390 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1116 00:57:42,460 --> 00:57:44,456 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. 1117 00:57:44,540 --> 00:57:45,960 She is gorgeous. 1118 00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:47,840 She just had a baby too. And... 1119 00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:48,920 Can't even tell. 1120 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,426 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 1121 00:57:50,510 --> 00:57:51,670 That's okay. 1122 00:57:52,170 --> 00:57:53,550 I identify as a feminist. 1123 00:57:53,630 --> 00:57:54,590 Right. 1124 00:57:56,510 --> 00:57:59,810 Are those gold-plated, .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1125 00:57:59,890 --> 00:58:01,020 'Course. 1126 00:58:01,100 --> 00:58:02,250 To match my ear huggie. 1127 00:58:02,310 --> 00:58:03,270 Can I have 'em? 1128 00:58:03,350 --> 00:58:05,560 Over my dead body. 1129 00:58:05,650 --> 00:58:07,150 You're fun. 1130 00:58:07,230 --> 00:58:09,380 And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins. 1131 00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,230 AKA Dogpool. 1132 00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,110 Careful where you put your hands. 1133 00:58:13,190 --> 00:58:15,446 She's ninety percent g-spot, and she'll let you know it. 1134 00:58:15,530 --> 00:58:19,080 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1135 00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,290 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1136 00:58:21,370 --> 00:58:23,580 If you can't be a responsible pet owner, 1137 00:58:23,660 --> 00:58:25,916 then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn. 1138 00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,000 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1139 00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:29,500 Shan't happen again. 1140 00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:31,130 Why are you so nice? 1141 00:58:31,210 --> 00:58:32,586 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1142 00:58:32,670 --> 00:58:34,380 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1143 00:58:34,470 --> 00:58:36,050 - Caliente. - This is Logan. 1144 00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:37,136 He's usually shirtless, 1145 00:58:37,220 --> 00:58:39,320 but he's let himself go since the divorce. 1146 00:58:40,220 --> 00:58:41,720 Where's your mask? 1147 00:58:44,180 --> 00:58:45,560 Come on, guys. 1148 00:58:46,980 --> 00:58:48,230 Ugh, this guy. 1149 00:58:48,310 --> 00:58:50,686 - We're looking for a group of survivors. - Oh, they're out there. 1150 00:58:50,770 --> 00:58:52,606 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope 1151 00:58:52,690 --> 00:58:54,356 that you don't run into the Deadpool corps. 1152 00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:55,440 Yeah, they're crazy. 1153 00:58:55,450 --> 00:58:57,236 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces 1154 00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:58,486 and hide you all over The Void. 1155 00:58:58,570 --> 00:59:00,616 If they could only process their childhood trauma, 1156 00:59:00,700 --> 00:59:02,366 they'd go on one heck of a healing journey. 1157 00:59:02,450 --> 00:59:04,536 Look, we're headed for the borderlands. You know where it is? 1158 00:59:04,620 --> 00:59:07,710 Yeah, that... that's 12 klicks due west. 1159 00:59:07,790 --> 00:59:09,046 I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1160 00:59:09,130 --> 00:59:10,840 It would be my honor. 1161 00:59:14,710 --> 00:59:16,630 Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. 1162 00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,800 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1163 00:59:18,890 --> 00:59:19,970 Just get in the car. 1164 00:59:20,050 --> 00:59:21,220 This isn't a car. 1165 00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:23,510 This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey. 1166 00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,640 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1167 00:59:25,730 --> 00:59:26,936 Dated infotainment system. 1168 00:59:27,020 --> 00:59:29,726 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia was makin' a comeback, 1169 00:59:29,810 --> 00:59:32,480 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1170 00:59:32,570 --> 00:59:35,360 Get in the fucking car. 1171 00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:37,700 She'll get you there safe and sound. 1172 00:59:37,780 --> 00:59:39,240 Old Betsy always does. 1173 00:59:40,030 --> 00:59:41,906 You're gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1174 00:59:41,990 --> 00:59:43,790 I know. Listen. 1175 00:59:43,870 --> 00:59:45,450 Yes, child. 1176 00:59:45,540 --> 00:59:47,626 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1177 00:59:47,710 --> 00:59:49,670 or if something should happen to you, 1178 00:59:49,750 --> 00:59:50,836 I'd love to be her papa. 1179 00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,170 What would ever happen to me? 1180 00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:54,380 Lots of stuff. 1181 00:59:58,010 --> 00:59:59,380 - Jesus. - No! 1182 00:59:59,470 --> 01:00:01,090 We're running away. 1183 01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:03,096 - Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1184 01:00:03,180 --> 01:00:04,180 - There. - Come here! 1185 01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:05,520 - Fuck! - Hello! 1186 01:00:07,390 --> 01:00:08,810 Bye. 1187 01:00:34,670 --> 01:00:37,170 Okay, I'm just gonna ask... What's with the suit? 1188 01:00:37,260 --> 01:00:38,886 First thing I did when I flamed out, 1189 01:00:38,970 --> 01:00:39,966 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1190 01:00:40,050 --> 01:00:41,090 It's not that ugly. 1191 01:00:41,180 --> 01:00:43,506 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1192 01:00:43,590 --> 01:00:44,556 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1193 01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,680 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin' bitches. 1194 01:00:47,770 --> 01:00:49,346 They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. 1195 01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:51,856 Friends don't let friends leave the house lookin' like 1196 01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:53,686 they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1197 01:00:53,770 --> 01:00:54,936 Shut the fuck up about this, or-- 1198 01:00:55,020 --> 01:00:57,316 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1199 01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:58,526 I'm just trying to bond a little bit. 1200 01:00:58,610 --> 01:01:00,106 Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else. 1201 01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:01,240 Fine. 1202 01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,120 Pshew. Pshew, pshew. 1203 01:01:06,740 --> 01:01:07,830 Pshew! 1204 01:01:07,910 --> 01:01:09,910 - Stop it. - Pshew. 1205 01:01:10,580 --> 01:01:12,166 If they can fix your world, what's the first thing 1206 01:01:12,250 --> 01:01:13,536 you're gonna do when you get out of here? 1207 01:01:13,620 --> 01:01:16,590 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1208 01:01:16,670 --> 01:01:18,336 - What did you say? - I said when you get back, 1209 01:01:18,420 --> 01:01:21,770 - what's the first thing you're gonna do? - No, no, no. Before that. 1210 01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,760 If... they can fix your world? 1211 01:01:28,010 --> 01:01:29,350 What do you mean, "if"? 1212 01:01:30,180 --> 01:01:31,226 - I mean-- - You lied to me. 1213 01:01:31,310 --> 01:01:33,726 You don't have a fucking clue if they can help me fix things, do you? 1214 01:01:33,810 --> 01:01:35,610 No. I mean-- Ow! 1215 01:01:35,690 --> 01:01:38,440 Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie! 1216 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,530 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1217 01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:44,150 Because I need you. 1218 01:01:45,490 --> 01:01:48,450 This. This is why. Right here. 1219 01:01:49,620 --> 01:01:50,996 'Cause if we don't do something, they die. 1220 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,540 I don't know anything about saving worlds. 1221 01:01:53,620 --> 01:01:55,250 And why would I even care? 1222 01:01:55,330 --> 01:01:58,130 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1223 01:01:58,210 --> 01:02:01,010 It's only nine people, 1224 01:02:01,090 --> 01:02:03,090 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1225 01:02:04,050 --> 01:02:07,890 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you, you know how to save 'em! 1226 01:02:08,970 --> 01:02:10,620 At least the other Wolverine did. 1227 01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:13,890 Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one. 1228 01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:16,520 Did you say you made 1229 01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:20,190 an educated fucking wish? 1230 01:02:20,270 --> 01:02:22,280 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1231 01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:26,740 They don't call me "Truthful Timmy, the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1232 01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:31,120 One more word. 1233 01:02:32,330 --> 01:02:34,830 Please give me one. 1234 01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:38,460 Gubernatorial. 1235 01:02:38,540 --> 01:02:40,340 Oh, fuck! 1236 01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:43,810 You know what? You're a fucking joke. 1237 01:02:45,170 --> 01:02:46,676 No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. 1238 01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:49,010 Or the X-Men. And they'll take fucking anyone. 1239 01:02:49,390 --> 01:02:54,350 I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1240 01:02:55,100 --> 01:02:56,980 I have never met 1241 01:02:57,060 --> 01:03:00,820 a sadder, more attention-starved, jabbering little prick 1242 01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,280 in my entire life. 1243 01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,460 And that says a lot, 'cause I've been alive 1244 01:03:04,490 --> 01:03:07,030 for more than 200 fuckin' years, 1245 01:03:07,110 --> 01:03:08,410 and I'll tell ya, 1246 01:03:08,490 --> 01:03:10,156 that bald chick was right about one thing. 1247 01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,700 You will never save the world! 1248 01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:15,460 You couldn't even save a relationship 1249 01:03:15,540 --> 01:03:17,500 with a goddamn stripper! 1250 01:03:17,580 --> 01:03:20,180 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone, 1251 01:03:20,210 --> 01:03:23,210 but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, 1252 01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:24,800 except that's on all of us! 1253 01:03:28,890 --> 01:03:31,350 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1254 01:03:40,020 --> 01:03:41,560 I'm gonna fight you now. 1255 01:03:43,610 --> 01:03:45,150 Oh, are you? 1256 01:03:55,410 --> 01:03:57,750 Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya? 1257 01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:05,630 Oh, you dirty bitch. 1258 01:04:20,730 --> 01:04:22,100 Whoo! 1259 01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:40,210 No, no, no! 1260 01:04:58,810 --> 01:05:00,270 Baby Knife! 1261 01:05:03,310 --> 01:05:06,820 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1262 01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:08,236 Too bad you don't, needle dick. 1263 01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,120 Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub. 1264 01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:15,660 Oh, you... Fuck! 1265 01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:09,340 Thor! 1266 01:06:12,260 --> 01:06:13,260 Where are we? 1267 01:06:13,340 --> 01:06:16,180 No clue, but... I like it here. 1268 01:06:24,020 --> 01:06:26,060 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1269 01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:16,070 Okay. 1270 01:07:17,150 --> 01:07:19,530 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1271 01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,370 Terrific. 1272 01:07:21,450 --> 01:07:24,660 So just to refresh, you are 1273 01:07:24,750 --> 01:07:26,000 - Wonder-- - Elektra. 1274 01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:27,790 Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? 1275 01:07:28,540 --> 01:07:31,590 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. 1276 01:07:31,670 --> 01:07:33,340 I thought you were, you know, 1277 01:07:33,420 --> 01:07:35,010 retired. 1278 01:07:35,090 --> 01:07:36,340 Retarded? 1279 01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:38,880 "Retired." 1280 01:07:38,970 --> 01:07:41,176 I'm already in The Void. I'm not trying to get canceled again. 1281 01:07:41,260 --> 01:07:43,470 - I don't like you. - You never did. 1282 01:07:44,850 --> 01:07:48,640 And who's this succulent reminder of my own inadequacies? 1283 01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:49,900 Look at you. 1284 01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:52,860 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1285 01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:56,070 The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1286 01:07:56,780 --> 01:07:58,116 But you can call me the Gambit. 1287 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,150 It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade. Hit me again. 1288 01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:03,196 - They call me the Gambit. - Do they? 1289 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,456 Are you sure you didn't just really, really want them to, 1290 01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:07,040 but it never quite worked out? 1291 01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:11,750 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1292 01:08:12,590 --> 01:08:13,790 But I can tell you now, 1293 01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:15,630 it's just a common courtesy to ask 1294 01:08:15,710 --> 01:08:17,256 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1295 01:08:17,340 --> 01:08:19,590 Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck. 1296 01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:23,890 Fuck. 1297 01:08:26,140 --> 01:08:27,890 So embarrassing. 1298 01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:30,060 Boo, boo, boo. 1299 01:08:30,140 --> 01:08:32,776 Well, now that that's settled, look, we came a long way to find you three. 1300 01:08:32,860 --> 01:08:34,606 - There's four of us. - There's four... 1301 01:08:34,690 --> 01:08:36,570 Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1302 01:08:36,650 --> 01:08:38,566 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1303 01:08:38,650 --> 01:08:39,776 - because with him-- - He's dead. 1304 01:08:39,860 --> 01:08:41,950 Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1305 01:08:42,030 --> 01:08:44,036 It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass 1306 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,076 - and started lying like crazy. - Ooh, you nasty! 1307 01:08:46,160 --> 01:08:48,710 Mon petit rouge. Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh? 1308 01:08:48,790 --> 01:08:51,580 Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1309 01:08:51,670 --> 01:08:54,340 Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom! 1310 01:08:54,420 --> 01:08:56,420 Your power's close-up magic. That's good. 1311 01:08:56,420 --> 01:08:58,260 We're not totally fucked at all. 1312 01:08:58,340 --> 01:09:00,050 So who brought us here? 1313 01:09:00,130 --> 01:09:01,260 That would be me. 1314 01:09:11,140 --> 01:09:12,340 Don't make me regret it. 1315 01:09:14,230 --> 01:09:17,480 Holy shit. Logan. That's her. That's X-23. 1316 01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:19,150 She's the one I told you about. 1317 01:09:23,700 --> 01:09:25,696 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1318 01:09:25,780 --> 01:09:27,410 There was a knock at the door. 1319 01:09:27,490 --> 01:09:29,410 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1320 01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:31,916 Well, maybe I was born here. It's... It's hard to know for sure. 1321 01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,460 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1322 01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:37,750 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1323 01:09:40,550 --> 01:09:42,380 People like us don't go quietly. 1324 01:09:42,470 --> 01:09:44,270 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1325 01:09:44,840 --> 01:09:46,970 The answer is yes. I'm in. 1326 01:09:47,050 --> 01:09:48,680 - In what? - A team. 1327 01:09:49,270 --> 01:09:51,270 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1328 01:09:51,310 --> 01:09:52,726 Let's get the fuck out of this place. 1329 01:09:52,810 --> 01:09:54,476 Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar! 1330 01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:55,940 It was an educated wish! 1331 01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:57,940 - Ha! - Look. 1332 01:09:59,480 --> 01:10:01,026 We've been inside Cassandra's lair. 1333 01:10:01,110 --> 01:10:03,900 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1334 01:10:03,990 --> 01:10:05,820 She can get us home. She told us. 1335 01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:07,660 Wait a minute, you've been inside? 1336 01:10:08,450 --> 01:10:10,400 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1337 01:10:10,410 --> 01:10:12,330 - Nobody's ever done that. - We did. 1338 01:10:12,410 --> 01:10:14,286 Every time one of us has gone up against her, 1339 01:10:14,370 --> 01:10:16,040 they die. 1340 01:10:16,130 --> 01:10:18,710 The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1341 01:10:18,790 --> 01:10:20,380 Daredevil? I'm so sorry. 1342 01:10:20,460 --> 01:10:21,960 - It's fine. - Okay. 1343 01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:26,300 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1344 01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:28,600 He up and gone missing like, 1345 01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:30,010 what, two days ago? 1346 01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:32,430 Ugh. That's so sad. 1347 01:10:33,140 --> 01:10:35,790 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I'm sure he's thriving. 1348 01:10:36,980 --> 01:10:39,066 Look, there's... there's strength in numbers. 1349 01:10:39,150 --> 01:10:40,980 All right? Us... plus, you guys. 1350 01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:44,066 We can put Cassandra over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1351 01:10:44,150 --> 01:10:45,616 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1352 01:10:45,700 --> 01:10:47,366 - I don't feel that at all. - I'm good. 1353 01:10:47,450 --> 01:10:49,406 Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1354 01:10:49,490 --> 01:10:51,116 It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul. 1355 01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:54,120 You guys may not have been able to save your universes. 1356 01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:55,660 But you can avenge them. 1357 01:10:56,330 --> 01:10:57,706 It's what Johnny would have wanted. 1358 01:10:57,790 --> 01:11:00,540 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1359 01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:02,840 Oh, yeah. 1360 01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:04,920 Dickhead here talked him into a team-up, 1361 01:11:05,010 --> 01:11:07,386 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1362 01:11:07,470 --> 01:11:09,180 No, no, no. We don't know that. 1363 01:11:09,260 --> 01:11:11,096 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1364 01:11:11,180 --> 01:11:13,680 If he survived that, he is prayin' for death. 1365 01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:15,430 Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! 1366 01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:17,620 - Spill it! - What'd you do to Johnny, huh? 1367 01:11:17,690 --> 01:11:18,936 Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'. 1368 01:11:19,020 --> 01:11:20,940 Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1369 01:11:21,020 --> 01:11:22,020 Look. 1370 01:11:22,110 --> 01:11:24,280 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1371 01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:25,900 Then she zip-zapped his skin, 1372 01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:28,570 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground 1373 01:11:28,660 --> 01:11:31,196 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1374 01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:32,680 He was like a brother to me. 1375 01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:36,250 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1376 01:11:37,330 --> 01:11:39,296 Look, maybe you couldn't save your worlds, but... 1377 01:11:39,380 --> 01:11:41,540 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1378 01:11:41,630 --> 01:11:44,130 I don't give a shit about your world, but 1379 01:11:44,210 --> 01:11:47,130 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together, 1380 01:11:47,220 --> 01:11:49,070 we can get back in and take her down. 1381 01:11:49,130 --> 01:11:51,640 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chère. 1382 01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:54,140 If we can block her psychic powers, 1383 01:11:54,220 --> 01:11:56,020 we can get a leg up. I know it. 1384 01:11:56,100 --> 01:11:57,520 Now, I know Magneto's dead. 1385 01:11:58,190 --> 01:12:00,650 But I'd venture to guess that his helmet is lying 1386 01:12:00,730 --> 01:12:02,646 - around here somewhere-- - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1387 01:12:02,730 --> 01:12:03,896 - Fuck! - After she killed him. 1388 01:12:03,980 --> 01:12:05,860 - Fuck! - She don't play. 1389 01:12:05,940 --> 01:12:07,486 She knows that helmet was the only way 1390 01:12:07,570 --> 01:12:09,066 to protect anyone from her powers. 1391 01:12:09,150 --> 01:12:10,946 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, 1392 01:12:11,030 --> 01:12:12,076 but he works for Cassandra. 1393 01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:13,700 Juggernaut's helmet. That's it. 1394 01:12:13,780 --> 01:12:15,406 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain't comin' off 1395 01:12:15,490 --> 01:12:16,866 without that dome gonna come off wit'it. 1396 01:12:16,950 --> 01:12:19,076 I'm so sorry, beautiful. I want this to be gentle. 1397 01:12:19,160 --> 01:12:21,580 Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1398 01:12:21,670 --> 01:12:24,380 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1399 01:12:26,010 --> 01:12:28,220 I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of hiding. 1400 01:12:30,010 --> 01:12:31,926 Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1401 01:12:32,010 --> 01:12:33,720 Or never learned about us. 1402 01:12:33,800 --> 01:12:35,060 The heroes we were. 1403 01:12:35,140 --> 01:12:36,470 Lives we saved. 1404 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:37,980 Or wanted to save. 1405 01:12:38,060 --> 01:12:39,810 Maybe these two are our chance. 1406 01:12:41,310 --> 01:12:42,940 To be remembered. 1407 01:12:43,020 --> 01:12:44,060 The way we deserve. 1408 01:12:45,150 --> 01:12:47,610 - Yes. - An ending. 1409 01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:49,280 - Legacy. - Yes! 1410 01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:51,030 Yes! Let this man cook. 1411 01:12:51,110 --> 01:12:52,446 This is what I'm talking about. 1412 01:12:52,530 --> 01:12:54,450 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1413 01:12:54,530 --> 01:12:55,746 Everybody working together. 1414 01:12:55,830 --> 01:12:57,576 Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1415 01:12:57,660 --> 01:13:00,040 - Who's ready? - I was born ready. 1416 01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,120 - Yes! Gambit? - I ain't know my daddy, 1417 01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:04,126 but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1418 01:13:04,210 --> 01:13:06,050 Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1419 01:13:06,130 --> 01:13:08,086 Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts all up in my mama 1420 01:13:08,170 --> 01:13:10,046 and I shot out there and I said, "What's up, Doc?" 1421 01:13:10,130 --> 01:13:12,470 Johnny must have loved you. 1422 01:13:12,550 --> 01:13:14,760 X-23, what's it gonna be? 1423 01:13:14,850 --> 01:13:15,850 The name's Laura. 1424 01:13:15,930 --> 01:13:18,890 - Let's fucking go. - Let's fucking go! 1425 01:13:18,970 --> 01:13:20,226 It's on like chicken and corn. 1426 01:13:20,310 --> 01:13:21,640 - Yeah! - We're doing this. 1427 01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:22,766 You're all fuckin' dead. 1428 01:13:22,850 --> 01:13:24,980 My God! Read the room. 1429 01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:39,200 Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company. Get out of here. 1430 01:13:41,290 --> 01:13:42,340 You remind me of him. 1431 01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:44,710 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1432 01:13:44,790 --> 01:13:47,040 - Sounds like a great guy-- - Wasn't finished. 1433 01:13:48,750 --> 01:13:50,550 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1434 01:13:52,550 --> 01:13:54,090 Couldn't help it. 1435 01:13:57,470 --> 01:13:58,920 You might not know it, but... 1436 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,100 you're a good man, Logan. 1437 01:14:03,440 --> 01:14:06,340 You might not know it, but apparently, I'm the worst Logan. 1438 01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:10,160 I got to have a life because of you. 1439 01:14:13,110 --> 01:14:14,710 I got to grow up because of you. 1440 01:14:16,780 --> 01:14:18,160 A lot of kids did. 1441 01:14:18,240 --> 01:14:20,450 A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me. 1442 01:14:22,700 --> 01:14:24,160 Trust me, kid, I'm no hero. 1443 01:14:25,620 --> 01:14:26,920 That suit says different. 1444 01:14:27,750 --> 01:14:29,670 - Yeah. Do you like it? - Mm. 1445 01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:33,380 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1446 01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,220 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1447 01:14:40,310 --> 01:14:41,310 All of them. 1448 01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:45,810 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn't. 1449 01:14:46,440 --> 01:14:49,480 Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1450 01:14:51,530 --> 01:14:53,990 I couldn't have 'em thinkin' I wanted to be there. 1451 01:14:59,830 --> 01:15:01,826 And then one day, while I was off on my own, 1452 01:15:01,910 --> 01:15:03,000 the humans came... 1453 01:15:03,700 --> 01:15:05,000 and went mutant hunting. 1454 01:15:06,420 --> 01:15:07,500 I can guess the rest. 1455 01:15:07,580 --> 01:15:08,580 No, no, let me... 1456 01:15:10,130 --> 01:15:11,130 Let me say it. I... 1457 01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:14,880 I need to say it. 1458 01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:20,016 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, 1459 01:15:20,100 --> 01:15:21,430 it was too late. 1460 01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:27,190 They were dead. Every... 1461 01:15:33,190 --> 01:15:36,150 This suit's all I got to remind me of who they were. 1462 01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:39,200 And what I did. 1463 01:15:52,420 --> 01:15:54,270 We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup. 1464 01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:56,840 Have fun. Not my fight. 1465 01:16:00,220 --> 01:16:01,970 We won't pull this off without you. 1466 01:16:08,890 --> 01:16:11,900 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1467 01:16:14,980 --> 01:16:16,480 You were always the wrong guy. 1468 01:16:42,260 --> 01:16:43,180 What? 1469 01:16:43,260 --> 01:16:45,680 Alioth didn't get them. 1470 01:16:45,760 --> 01:16:47,976 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1471 01:16:48,060 --> 01:16:49,140 They got away. 1472 01:16:49,230 --> 01:16:50,646 - Did they find the others? - No. 1473 01:16:50,730 --> 01:16:52,230 Good. All right. Phew. 1474 01:16:52,310 --> 01:16:54,360 - The others found them. - Oh, very cute. 1475 01:16:54,440 --> 01:16:56,440 Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1476 01:16:56,440 --> 01:16:58,140 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1477 01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:01,110 If they come after Nova, she'll handle it. 1478 01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:03,320 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1479 01:17:03,410 --> 01:17:05,496 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1480 01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:07,656 Thank God she's never chosen to leave The Void. 1481 01:17:07,740 --> 01:17:10,370 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1482 01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:11,456 I cannot take any chances. 1483 01:17:11,540 --> 01:17:12,670 Well, maybe not. 1484 01:17:12,750 --> 01:17:13,750 But I can. 1485 01:17:13,830 --> 01:17:15,250 For a price. 1486 01:17:15,340 --> 01:17:16,666 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1487 01:17:16,750 --> 01:17:18,050 It's so icky. 1488 01:17:18,130 --> 01:17:19,926 - You want it done or not? - All right. Your price. 1489 01:17:20,010 --> 01:17:21,340 Take her out. 1490 01:17:22,130 --> 01:17:23,680 Ugh. Mutants. 1491 01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:47,070 Ooh! Look at that there! 1492 01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:48,406 You see them biggum hands come closed. 1493 01:17:48,490 --> 01:17:49,916 Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there. 1494 01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:51,746 I think what Gambit's trying to say is 1495 01:17:51,830 --> 01:17:54,670 getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy. 1496 01:17:54,750 --> 01:17:56,046 I'm just making stuff up at this... 1497 01:17:56,130 --> 01:17:57,710 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1498 01:18:02,510 --> 01:18:04,210 Where'd he get that little beauty? 1499 01:18:04,260 --> 01:18:06,220 That's Punisher's AT4. 1500 01:18:06,300 --> 01:18:08,516 Which Punisher? There's been, like, five of them. 1501 01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:10,000 There's only been one Blade, 1502 01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,610 and there's only ever gonna be one Blade. 1503 01:18:16,060 --> 01:18:17,560 Incoming! 1504 01:18:17,650 --> 01:18:18,820 Ahhh! 1505 01:19:24,380 --> 01:19:26,630 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1506 01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:29,140 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 1507 01:19:29,220 --> 01:19:31,520 Whoo! I'm about to make a name for myself here. 1508 01:19:31,560 --> 01:19:33,476 I don't think you guys walk away from this. 1509 01:19:33,560 --> 01:19:35,436 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1510 01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,686 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1511 01:19:37,770 --> 01:19:40,060 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1512 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,110 We'll make sure you get the package. 1513 01:19:42,770 --> 01:19:44,020 And we'll get our ending. 1514 01:20:54,260 --> 01:20:55,180 And boom! 1515 01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:29,640 Heh. Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1516 01:21:36,220 --> 01:21:38,020 You two escaping, I could live with. 1517 01:21:38,100 --> 01:21:41,060 But coming back? Willingly? 1518 01:21:42,810 --> 01:21:44,560 Boys are so silly. 1519 01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:45,726 I just need to get home. 1520 01:21:45,810 --> 01:21:48,320 Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid. 1521 01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:51,740 It's death or enslavement. À la carte, of course. 1522 01:21:51,820 --> 01:21:53,200 Upsy-daisy. 1523 01:21:58,490 --> 01:21:59,490 Finally, 1524 01:21:59,580 --> 01:22:02,250 it's nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1525 01:22:02,330 --> 01:22:03,500 Not my strong suit. 1526 01:22:20,470 --> 01:22:22,640 You shouldn't have done that. 1527 01:22:42,450 --> 01:22:43,830 Adiós, pendejo. 1528 01:22:45,960 --> 01:22:48,670 You are an interesting one, aren't you? 1529 01:22:49,380 --> 01:22:52,460 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 1530 01:22:55,680 --> 01:22:58,180 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 1531 01:22:59,140 --> 01:23:00,390 But you... 1532 01:23:01,010 --> 01:23:03,890 What's going on in here? 1533 01:23:13,690 --> 01:23:14,940 Logan! 1534 01:23:17,490 --> 01:23:18,700 Interesting... 1535 01:23:19,870 --> 01:23:21,740 Not what I expected back here. 1536 01:23:22,870 --> 01:23:24,080 Behind the anger. 1537 01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:29,000 You're hiding. 1538 01:23:29,080 --> 01:23:31,420 From them. 1539 01:23:31,500 --> 01:23:33,170 From all the ones you let down. 1540 01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:37,380 So much pain. 1541 01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:41,180 I walked away. 1542 01:23:41,930 --> 01:23:43,560 They called after me and I... 1543 01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:44,680 I walked away. 1544 01:23:45,930 --> 01:23:46,980 I always do. 1545 01:23:47,060 --> 01:23:48,060 - Logan! - I know. 1546 01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:51,900 That's not all you did. 1547 01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:53,530 Is it? 1548 01:23:56,860 --> 01:23:58,320 You found them. 1549 01:23:59,320 --> 01:24:00,740 The X-Men. 1550 01:24:05,750 --> 01:24:06,750 Dead. 1551 01:24:09,500 --> 01:24:10,710 Piled like wood. 1552 01:24:12,420 --> 01:24:13,670 What did you do? 1553 01:24:16,300 --> 01:24:17,510 I started killing. 1554 01:24:18,300 --> 01:24:20,800 And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop. 1555 01:24:22,010 --> 01:24:24,720 All those bad men. 1556 01:24:28,690 --> 01:24:30,270 It's not just the bad ones. 1557 01:24:31,940 --> 01:24:33,110 My little animal. 1558 01:24:35,980 --> 01:24:38,990 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 1559 01:24:39,070 --> 01:24:40,030 Blade! 1560 01:24:45,740 --> 01:24:46,950 Just once... 1561 01:24:48,910 --> 01:24:51,460 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 1562 01:24:52,580 --> 01:24:53,790 Logan... 1563 01:24:55,380 --> 01:24:59,050 in The Void, you can be what you are. 1564 01:25:01,470 --> 01:25:02,930 I just wanna be free. 1565 01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:05,510 I can set you free. 1566 01:25:16,480 --> 01:25:21,820 I can silence all those voices. 1567 01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:29,790 I've got you. 1568 01:25:32,420 --> 01:25:33,630 I've got you. 1569 01:25:33,710 --> 01:25:35,130 No. 1570 01:25:36,460 --> 01:25:37,380 I got you. 1571 01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:47,810 Get it off! 1572 01:25:47,890 --> 01:25:49,270 You're gonna send us home, 1573 01:25:49,350 --> 01:25:50,976 or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off. 1574 01:25:51,060 --> 01:25:52,350 Why are you laughing? 1575 01:25:53,020 --> 01:25:54,310 I can't send you home 1576 01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:57,230 unless you get this thing off my head. 1577 01:25:57,320 --> 01:25:58,980 And as soon as you do that, 1578 01:25:59,070 --> 01:26:01,316 I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level 1579 01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:04,360 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 1580 01:26:04,450 --> 01:26:05,820 There's an Enya box set? 1581 01:26:05,910 --> 01:26:07,330 Either you kill me 1582 01:26:07,410 --> 01:26:08,410 or I kill you. 1583 01:26:09,330 --> 01:26:10,750 Both wonderful options. 1584 01:26:10,830 --> 01:26:12,960 You want me to do it? 1585 01:26:13,040 --> 01:26:14,996 - No, I'll do it. - I have her neck right here. 1586 01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:16,666 - It's really no problem. - You'll screw it up. 1587 01:26:16,750 --> 01:26:19,250 Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, except the last one! 1588 01:26:19,340 --> 01:26:21,590 What the fuck? 1589 01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:24,840 You have no idea 1590 01:26:24,930 --> 01:26:25,930 what it's like! 1591 01:26:26,010 --> 01:26:28,890 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 1592 01:26:28,970 --> 01:26:30,390 Fetch the meats. 1593 01:26:30,470 --> 01:26:33,520 I have spent my entire exis-- 1594 01:26:35,140 --> 01:26:37,020 Not everyone gets a speech. 1595 01:26:37,110 --> 01:26:40,110 She's gonna die. 1596 01:26:40,190 --> 01:26:42,240 Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 1597 01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:43,446 do you promise you won't kill us? 1598 01:26:43,530 --> 01:26:44,580 - Fuck! - I promise... 1599 01:26:44,650 --> 01:26:46,280 I will kill you first thing. 1600 01:26:46,360 --> 01:26:48,160 Oh! Why are you like this? 1601 01:26:48,240 --> 01:26:49,490 I wish I knew. 1602 01:26:49,580 --> 01:26:50,870 - Take it off. - What? 1603 01:26:50,950 --> 01:26:52,200 - Take it off. - Why? 1604 01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:53,576 - Just take it off. - This is our only chance 1605 01:26:53,660 --> 01:26:55,370 - to fix our shit! - Take it off! 1606 01:26:57,210 --> 01:26:58,670 I am wearing this suit. 1607 01:26:59,880 --> 01:27:02,330 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 1608 01:27:03,510 --> 01:27:04,840 it means I'm an X-Man. 1609 01:27:05,760 --> 01:27:07,260 And I know your brother. 1610 01:27:09,390 --> 01:27:10,886 As much as I want to fucking kill you, 1611 01:27:10,970 --> 01:27:13,770 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you, 1612 01:27:13,850 --> 01:27:16,730 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 1613 01:27:19,310 --> 01:27:20,400 Take your hands off. 1614 01:27:22,190 --> 01:27:23,320 This is for him. 1615 01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:26,490 This is for Charles. 1616 01:27:36,870 --> 01:27:38,630 Hey, no, no, no! 1617 01:27:38,710 --> 01:27:40,360 Don't you dare do me like Johnny! 1618 01:27:45,840 --> 01:27:47,300 My brother loved you. 1619 01:27:49,180 --> 01:27:50,720 He loved all of us. 1620 01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:51,890 Hmm. 1621 01:27:53,350 --> 01:27:54,850 Must be nice. 1622 01:27:55,560 --> 01:27:56,910 He would've loved you, too. 1623 01:27:59,730 --> 01:28:00,900 If he knew about you... 1624 01:28:02,690 --> 01:28:04,150 if he knew where you were, 1625 01:28:04,230 --> 01:28:06,276 he would've torn a hole in the fucking universe 1626 01:28:06,360 --> 01:28:07,650 to bring you home. 1627 01:28:11,240 --> 01:28:12,330 This is my home. 1628 01:28:13,330 --> 01:28:15,540 Well, then at least let us save his. 1629 01:28:19,830 --> 01:28:21,480 You want to hear something crazy? 1630 01:28:23,290 --> 01:28:26,170 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 1631 01:28:27,010 --> 01:28:28,550 I killed him, of course. 1632 01:28:29,260 --> 01:28:31,510 Wore his skin around for four days. 1633 01:28:32,550 --> 01:28:36,390 But I found this little trinket 1634 01:28:37,140 --> 01:28:39,270 on his lovely fingers. 1635 01:28:39,350 --> 01:28:40,480 Strange! 1636 01:28:43,690 --> 01:28:45,690 - Marvel sparkle circle. - What is that? 1637 01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,860 This is your way home. 1638 01:28:48,950 --> 01:28:50,820 I do owe you for saving my life. 1639 01:28:50,910 --> 01:28:52,366 But let's keep things interesting. 1640 01:28:52,450 --> 01:28:54,280 I'd say you have about four seconds 1641 01:28:54,370 --> 01:28:55,770 before you're Alioth's food. 1642 01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:01,040 Race ya. 1643 01:30:24,670 --> 01:30:26,920 And as I said, we've got a standard three-year 1644 01:30:26,920 --> 01:30:28,220 bumper to bumper warranty. 1645 01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:30,170 Glad you gave us a second chance. 1646 01:30:30,250 --> 01:30:31,876 And don't worry. Wade and I are a team, 1647 01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:34,010 so I'll see he gets half the commission-- 1648 01:30:35,130 --> 01:30:36,590 Whoa. 1649 01:30:36,680 --> 01:30:38,600 That feels like a Kia. 1650 01:30:38,680 --> 01:30:41,060 It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it? 1651 01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:45,190 Holy shit. That's Deadpool. 1652 01:30:45,270 --> 01:30:46,400 And that's Wolverine. 1653 01:30:46,480 --> 01:30:48,610 You're damn straight it is. Fox killed him. 1654 01:30:48,690 --> 01:30:49,776 Disney brought him back. 1655 01:30:49,860 --> 01:30:51,816 They're going to make him do this till he's 90. 1656 01:30:51,900 --> 01:30:52,990 Let's go. 1657 01:30:53,610 --> 01:30:54,700 I'll clock you out! 1658 01:30:54,780 --> 01:30:56,280 Forever! 1659 01:30:57,120 --> 01:30:58,240 Forever. 1660 01:31:05,080 --> 01:31:06,170 Wakey-wakey. 1661 01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:08,330 God? 1662 01:31:09,670 --> 01:31:12,380 Now, you put all these bullets in my belly, 1663 01:31:13,090 --> 01:31:14,630 and I'm gonna find out why. 1664 01:31:15,300 --> 01:31:16,380 Whoa, whoa! 1665 01:31:17,050 --> 01:31:18,430 I'll just say it. 1666 01:31:19,140 --> 01:31:20,766 You don't have to stick your fingers in me. 1667 01:31:20,850 --> 01:31:23,520 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 1668 01:31:23,600 --> 01:31:24,770 Fine. 1669 01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:26,980 Really? 1670 01:31:27,650 --> 01:31:28,730 Hands in pockets. 1671 01:31:30,440 --> 01:31:31,610 Guy named Paradox. 1672 01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:33,606 He said he'd get me out of The Void. 1673 01:31:33,690 --> 01:31:35,820 All I know is he works for the TVA. 1674 01:31:35,900 --> 01:31:37,950 The TVA. We had an agreement. 1675 01:31:38,030 --> 01:31:39,780 I don't think this guy cares. 1676 01:31:39,870 --> 01:31:42,580 Huh. He will. 1677 01:31:42,660 --> 01:31:44,080 Hey, people! 1678 01:31:44,160 --> 01:31:46,326 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 1679 01:31:46,410 --> 01:31:48,310 We're running the final safety checks. 1680 01:31:48,370 --> 01:31:50,416 Oh, okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 1681 01:31:50,500 --> 01:31:52,040 - Take your time. - Really? 1682 01:31:52,130 --> 01:31:53,710 No, you drooling boob! 1683 01:31:53,800 --> 01:31:55,130 No! We have company. 1684 01:31:55,210 --> 01:31:58,220 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 1685 01:31:58,300 --> 01:31:59,840 Oh, I hate you so much. 1686 01:32:01,930 --> 01:32:02,930 No! Stop! 1687 01:32:03,010 --> 01:32:04,810 Piss off! You're too late. 1688 01:32:04,890 --> 01:32:06,806 - You're fuckin' done. - Why was Thor crying? 1689 01:32:06,890 --> 01:32:10,230 How dare you! No one comes back from The Void. 1690 01:32:10,310 --> 01:32:11,900 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 1691 01:32:20,740 --> 01:32:22,490 Paradox. We have a problem. 1692 01:32:25,490 --> 01:32:26,660 Paradox. 1693 01:32:29,290 --> 01:32:31,586 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro's head. 1694 01:32:31,670 --> 01:32:33,040 You tried to kill me. 1695 01:32:33,130 --> 01:32:34,500 I literally have no i-- 1696 01:32:35,090 --> 01:32:36,840 You come for the king, 1697 01:32:36,920 --> 01:32:38,590 you better kill the king. 1698 01:32:38,670 --> 01:32:39,800 Oh-ho-ho! 1699 01:32:39,880 --> 01:32:42,010 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 1700 01:32:42,090 --> 01:32:44,180 You know she doesn't wash that hand. 1701 01:32:44,260 --> 01:32:46,020 Oh. 1702 01:32:46,100 --> 01:32:47,230 What's this? 1703 01:32:48,560 --> 01:32:49,770 A Time Ripper? 1704 01:32:49,850 --> 01:32:51,436 - Naughty boy. - Oh, no. We're on it. 1705 01:32:51,520 --> 01:32:53,646 We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 1706 01:32:53,730 --> 01:32:56,130 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 1707 01:32:56,190 --> 01:32:57,690 I don't want to destroy it. 1708 01:32:58,360 --> 01:33:00,030 I want to use it. 1709 01:33:00,110 --> 01:33:02,820 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 1710 01:33:09,460 --> 01:33:11,330 You know, the funny thing is, 1711 01:33:11,420 --> 01:33:12,880 I was happy in The Void. 1712 01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:16,920 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 1713 01:33:17,000 --> 01:33:18,970 Everyone was happy. 1714 01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:23,010 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 1715 01:33:23,090 --> 01:33:25,260 And so now the fence must come down. 1716 01:33:25,970 --> 01:33:27,886 I'm going to use your little Time Ripper. 1717 01:33:27,970 --> 01:33:30,640 And I'm going to destroy this universe 1718 01:33:30,730 --> 01:33:33,520 and the next and the next and the next 1719 01:33:33,600 --> 01:33:37,020 until all that's left is The Void. 1720 01:33:37,110 --> 01:33:39,070 And I get to play God. 1721 01:33:39,740 --> 01:33:41,030 Come on. 1722 01:33:41,110 --> 01:33:43,906 Now you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 1723 01:33:43,990 --> 01:33:45,990 And don't worry, I've called some friends 1724 01:33:46,080 --> 01:33:47,730 to make sure we're not disturbed. 1725 01:33:50,250 --> 01:33:52,080 Sorry to bother, madam, 1726 01:33:52,160 --> 01:33:54,060 but there's something you need to see. 1727 01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:56,506 We're getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper 1728 01:33:56,590 --> 01:33:58,750 activating on Earth-10005. 1729 01:34:00,550 --> 01:34:01,700 Whose district is that? 1730 01:34:02,510 --> 01:34:03,550 Paradox. 1731 01:34:15,020 --> 01:34:17,400 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 1732 01:34:17,480 --> 01:34:19,900 God. Good to get out of that head. 1733 01:34:19,980 --> 01:34:21,820 Whew! What a mess! 1734 01:34:29,160 --> 01:34:30,160 Stop! 1735 01:34:30,240 --> 01:34:32,326 Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear. 1736 01:34:32,410 --> 01:34:34,330 Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God! 1737 01:34:39,250 --> 01:34:41,800 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 1738 01:34:49,600 --> 01:34:51,100 It's her! 1739 01:34:52,310 --> 01:34:54,140 Come on, girl! 1740 01:35:00,480 --> 01:35:01,940 Come on, girl! 1741 01:35:16,750 --> 01:35:17,750 That's my girl! 1742 01:35:17,830 --> 01:35:21,300 We don't have to be apart ever, ever again. Never, ever... 1743 01:35:21,380 --> 01:35:22,550 - Sorry! - Fuck! 1744 01:35:23,710 --> 01:35:25,590 What's Café Gratitude doing here? 1745 01:35:25,670 --> 01:35:27,010 Sorry about that. 1746 01:35:27,090 --> 01:35:29,260 Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. 1747 01:35:29,350 --> 01:35:30,390 I'll handle him. 1748 01:35:31,140 --> 01:35:32,266 Come here, girl. Papa's here. 1749 01:35:32,350 --> 01:35:35,390 Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. 1750 01:35:35,480 --> 01:35:37,600 She can decide who her papa is. 1751 01:35:37,690 --> 01:35:38,816 What's it gonna be, girl, huh? 1752 01:35:38,900 --> 01:35:41,270 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 1753 01:35:41,360 --> 01:35:44,780 Ah, that's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 1754 01:35:45,400 --> 01:35:46,570 The Proposal. 1755 01:35:48,070 --> 01:35:49,200 The fuck was that? 1756 01:35:49,280 --> 01:35:50,866 Bitch, you think that's what I do? 1757 01:35:50,950 --> 01:35:52,160 Both of you shut up. 1758 01:35:52,240 --> 01:35:53,950 You smell somethin'? 1759 01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:55,040 Yeah, you. 1760 01:35:55,120 --> 01:35:57,500 A lot of you. 1761 01:36:12,720 --> 01:36:15,170 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 1762 01:36:26,240 --> 01:36:27,650 That's bad. 1763 01:36:50,220 --> 01:36:51,506 I take it they're not friendly. 1764 01:36:51,590 --> 01:36:52,970 Goodness, no. 1765 01:36:53,050 --> 01:36:54,766 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 1766 01:36:54,850 --> 01:36:57,560 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 1767 01:36:57,640 --> 01:36:58,730 They're dumb. 1768 01:36:58,810 --> 01:37:00,560 But they can fight. Not me, though. 1769 01:37:00,560 --> 01:37:01,726 Would love to get in the mix, 1770 01:37:01,810 --> 01:37:04,646 but I have low bone density and I have to keep my face safe. 1771 01:37:04,730 --> 01:37:06,070 Hold, please. 1772 01:37:06,150 --> 01:37:08,110 - Oh, God. - All right. Look. 1773 01:37:08,780 --> 01:37:09,780 Guys! 1774 01:37:10,990 --> 01:37:12,820 Deadpool Prime here. 1775 01:37:12,910 --> 01:37:14,246 - Our fight isn't with you-- - Hey! 1776 01:37:14,330 --> 01:37:15,910 When I want your opinion, 1777 01:37:15,990 --> 01:37:18,036 I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth. 1778 01:37:18,120 --> 01:37:19,870 That's Kidpool. She's the dirtiest. 1779 01:37:19,870 --> 01:37:21,370 Can we just be done? 1780 01:37:21,460 --> 01:37:22,916 Ooh, we're just getting started. 1781 01:37:23,000 --> 01:37:26,500 No, no, no, no, no. With the whole multiverse thing. 1782 01:37:27,300 --> 01:37:28,300 It's not great. 1783 01:37:28,380 --> 01:37:29,920 It's just been miss 1784 01:37:30,630 --> 01:37:32,090 after miss 1785 01:37:32,180 --> 01:37:33,760 after miss. 1786 01:37:33,840 --> 01:37:36,600 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first, 1787 01:37:36,680 --> 01:37:38,720 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 1788 01:37:39,520 --> 01:37:40,640 But we didn't listen. 1789 01:37:40,730 --> 01:37:43,690 Let's just take the L and move on. 1790 01:37:43,770 --> 01:37:46,190 I think it's been steadily great since Endgame. 1791 01:37:46,270 --> 01:37:47,690 What are you talking about? 1792 01:37:47,780 --> 01:37:49,440 The multiverse is over. 1793 01:37:49,530 --> 01:37:52,490 Cassandy gonna destroy the fuck outta every timeline. 1794 01:37:52,570 --> 01:37:55,036 - Heh. Y'all can't do shit about it. - Do you not get it? 1795 01:37:55,120 --> 01:37:57,196 If we don't go down to the subway and stop her, we all die. 1796 01:37:57,280 --> 01:37:59,620 Say, the boss lady don't want no disturbances. 1797 01:37:59,700 --> 01:38:02,550 You wanna get down to the subway, you gotta go through us. 1798 01:38:02,580 --> 01:38:03,620 Uzi time, baby. 1799 01:38:03,710 --> 01:38:04,920 Uzi time, baby. 1800 01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:06,460 Look alive! 1801 01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:17,350 - I think I'm hit. - No shit. 1802 01:38:17,430 --> 01:38:18,426 You did that on purpose. 1803 01:38:18,510 --> 01:38:20,140 I did no such thing! 1804 01:38:20,220 --> 01:38:21,370 Listen to me, gorgeous. 1805 01:38:21,390 --> 01:38:22,726 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 1806 01:38:22,810 --> 01:38:24,400 Regenerate? 1807 01:38:30,400 --> 01:38:32,156 You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? 1808 01:38:32,240 --> 01:38:33,780 - I'm okay. - How dare you! 1809 01:38:33,860 --> 01:38:35,860 You insensitive son of a bitch! 1810 01:38:35,950 --> 01:38:37,866 How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? 1811 01:38:37,950 --> 01:38:39,036 I'm not a medicine woman. 1812 01:38:39,120 --> 01:38:40,740 Look. A donut cart. 1813 01:38:40,830 --> 01:38:42,116 - They're practically hospitals. - What? 1814 01:38:42,200 --> 01:38:43,456 They sell portable triage units. 1815 01:38:43,540 --> 01:38:45,376 - They don't. - I'm gonna get you to safety. 1816 01:38:45,460 --> 01:38:47,040 - He's not. - Deep breath. 1817 01:38:55,470 --> 01:38:59,010 - Hey, why are we stopping? - I'm just catching my breath. 1818 01:38:59,100 --> 01:39:01,680 What, are your legs on vacation? You're dead weight! 1819 01:39:01,770 --> 01:39:03,520 That's because I'm paralyzed. 1820 01:39:03,600 --> 01:39:05,600 We all have problems. Listen to me. 1821 01:39:05,690 --> 01:39:06,650 You're gonna live. 1822 01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,020 Look at me, Nicepool. 1823 01:39:13,030 --> 01:39:14,150 You're gonna live. 1824 01:39:14,990 --> 01:39:16,240 Say it! 1825 01:39:16,780 --> 01:39:17,990 I'm gonna live. 1826 01:39:18,070 --> 01:39:20,450 Say it with me. You're gonna live. 1827 01:39:20,530 --> 01:39:22,660 I'm gonna live! 1828 01:39:22,750 --> 01:39:26,170 Ha-hah! Say it louder! 1829 01:39:26,250 --> 01:39:27,500 I'm gonna live-- 1830 01:39:36,340 --> 01:39:38,050 Hold your fire! 1831 01:39:39,680 --> 01:39:40,930 Sweet little puppy. 1832 01:39:51,230 --> 01:39:52,820 God damn it! 1833 01:39:52,900 --> 01:39:54,550 I don't think he's gonna make it. 1834 01:39:54,900 --> 01:39:56,700 God, he loved his face. 1835 01:39:56,780 --> 01:39:59,240 I can taste his final thought. 1836 01:39:59,320 --> 01:40:00,740 He was so afraid. 1837 01:40:00,820 --> 01:40:02,080 But he died a hero. 1838 01:40:02,160 --> 01:40:04,080 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 1839 01:40:04,160 --> 01:40:06,040 And all I have to remember him by 1840 01:40:06,960 --> 01:40:10,500 are these two gold-plated, .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 1841 01:40:10,580 --> 01:40:11,920 This is for him. 1842 01:40:12,670 --> 01:40:13,840 Are you ready? 1843 01:40:14,420 --> 01:40:16,260 I get to kill a hundred yous? 1844 01:40:16,340 --> 01:40:17,420 Fuck yeah, I'm ready. 1845 01:40:18,510 --> 01:40:21,510 - Hey, you don't want to see this, bub. - That's a good girl. 1846 01:40:58,050 --> 01:40:59,380 Holy shit. 1847 01:40:59,880 --> 01:41:02,130 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 1848 01:41:02,140 --> 01:41:03,390 Killing, mostly. 1849 01:41:03,470 --> 01:41:05,766 What's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles? 1850 01:41:05,850 --> 01:41:07,930 I'm sorry. 1851 01:41:08,020 --> 01:41:10,520 I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous. 1852 01:41:10,600 --> 01:41:12,150 All right, let's do this. 1853 01:41:12,230 --> 01:41:13,310 Maximum effort. 1854 01:41:53,150 --> 01:41:54,400 You're dead. 1855 01:42:20,050 --> 01:42:21,380 Motherfucker. 1856 01:42:22,300 --> 01:42:23,800 I wish I were deaf. 1857 01:42:43,650 --> 01:42:45,780 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 1858 01:42:45,860 --> 01:42:47,030 I don't wanna... 1859 01:43:00,500 --> 01:43:01,710 Come on. 1860 01:43:01,800 --> 01:43:02,920 Oh, I blew it. 1861 01:43:03,010 --> 01:43:05,046 After all that, the only thing they're gonna remember 1862 01:43:05,130 --> 01:43:06,930 is that God-awful dismount! 1863 01:43:11,680 --> 01:43:13,346 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 1864 01:43:13,430 --> 01:43:15,100 Uh-oh. 1865 01:43:15,190 --> 01:43:17,400 Uh-oh. 1866 01:43:20,150 --> 01:43:21,650 I guess these ones regenerate. 1867 01:43:23,780 --> 01:43:26,240 Come on. We don't have time for this. 1868 01:43:26,320 --> 01:43:27,320 Deadpools! 1869 01:43:27,410 --> 01:43:28,570 Stand down. 1870 01:43:39,130 --> 01:43:40,590 This Deadpool's with me. 1871 01:43:40,670 --> 01:43:41,960 Oh, no. 1872 01:43:42,050 --> 01:43:43,460 Holy shit. 1873 01:43:43,550 --> 01:43:44,970 That's fuckin' Peter! 1874 01:43:47,720 --> 01:43:49,470 Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 1875 01:43:49,550 --> 01:43:52,060 You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 1876 01:43:52,140 --> 01:43:54,430 Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend 1877 01:43:54,520 --> 01:43:55,820 in every Deadpool's world. 1878 01:43:55,890 --> 01:43:58,350 Peter-san. Hai. 1879 01:44:05,490 --> 01:44:07,530 Peter. Peter. Peter. 1880 01:44:07,610 --> 01:44:10,910 Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. 1881 01:44:10,990 --> 01:44:13,080 Peter. Peter. Peter. 1882 01:44:13,700 --> 01:44:15,250 Enjoy my Peter. 1883 01:44:42,770 --> 01:44:44,736 Oh, now you're here. Oh, well, you're too late. 1884 01:44:44,820 --> 01:44:46,526 - It's all over. - Not yet, it's not. 1885 01:44:46,610 --> 01:44:48,156 Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close. 1886 01:44:48,240 --> 01:44:49,446 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 1887 01:44:49,530 --> 01:44:51,280 Quick, let's up the stakes. 1888 01:44:51,370 --> 01:44:52,826 If she steals the Time Ripper's energy, 1889 01:44:52,910 --> 01:44:55,246 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities 1890 01:44:55,330 --> 01:44:56,956 until there is nothing left but The Void. 1891 01:44:57,040 --> 01:44:58,210 How do we shut it down? 1892 01:44:58,290 --> 01:44:59,540 I don't know. 1893 01:45:01,380 --> 01:45:02,500 How about now? 1894 01:45:02,580 --> 01:45:04,460 The mask is really intimidating, huh? 1895 01:45:04,540 --> 01:45:06,046 It's like Batman, except he can move his neck. 1896 01:45:06,130 --> 01:45:07,630 Okay, look, look, look. 1897 01:45:09,170 --> 01:45:11,596 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 1898 01:45:11,680 --> 01:45:14,680 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds 1899 01:45:14,760 --> 01:45:15,976 converging inside the device. 1900 01:45:16,060 --> 01:45:18,436 Now, Cassandra Nova is redirecting the Ripper's power 1901 01:45:18,520 --> 01:45:20,726 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 1902 01:45:20,810 --> 01:45:22,226 Theoretically, you could stop her 1903 01:45:22,310 --> 01:45:24,186 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 1904 01:45:24,270 --> 01:45:26,776 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds, 1905 01:45:26,860 --> 01:45:30,150 then the released power would destroy the machine. 1906 01:45:30,240 --> 01:45:31,990 - But, well... But-- - Come on, man. 1907 01:45:32,030 --> 01:45:34,120 If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out. 1908 01:45:34,200 --> 01:45:37,330 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 1909 01:45:37,410 --> 01:45:38,326 I could live with that. 1910 01:45:38,410 --> 01:45:39,536 Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 1911 01:45:39,620 --> 01:45:41,076 You know, we survive anything. We're like cockroaches. 1912 01:45:41,160 --> 01:45:42,790 Not this time. 1913 01:45:42,870 --> 01:45:45,090 This is matter and anti-matter. 1914 01:45:45,170 --> 01:45:47,170 They do not play nicely with each other. 1915 01:45:47,250 --> 01:45:50,010 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 1916 01:45:50,630 --> 01:45:52,676 Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me. 1917 01:45:52,760 --> 01:45:54,846 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 1918 01:45:54,930 --> 01:45:57,430 you will die down there. 1919 01:46:22,910 --> 01:46:24,250 Hold off. Hold. 1920 01:46:24,330 --> 01:46:25,930 You heard that asshole upstairs. 1921 01:46:26,000 --> 01:46:30,170 Even if we pull this off, we're dead. Permanently. 1922 01:46:30,760 --> 01:46:32,800 - That's why it's got to be me. - What? 1923 01:46:36,720 --> 01:46:38,010 Look, man... 1924 01:46:38,810 --> 01:46:40,430 you didn't ask for any of this. 1925 01:46:41,020 --> 01:46:42,020 You were right. 1926 01:46:42,100 --> 01:46:43,480 I lied. 1927 01:46:44,350 --> 01:46:46,150 I lied right to your face 1928 01:46:46,230 --> 01:46:48,230 just to get you to help me. And you did. 1929 01:46:48,770 --> 01:46:50,360 You didn't lie. 1930 01:46:52,490 --> 01:46:53,860 You made an educated wish. 1931 01:46:56,870 --> 01:46:57,950 Come on. 1932 01:46:59,120 --> 01:47:00,950 You got a whole world to go back to. 1933 01:47:02,580 --> 01:47:03,580 I got nothin'. 1934 01:47:05,750 --> 01:47:06,750 I got nothin'. 1935 01:47:11,760 --> 01:47:12,840 Give me this. 1936 01:47:19,890 --> 01:47:20,970 Hey. 1937 01:47:25,600 --> 01:47:27,500 I waited a long time for this team-up. 1938 01:47:29,730 --> 01:47:31,190 You know something? 1939 01:47:32,730 --> 01:47:34,240 You were the best Wolverine. 1940 01:47:43,120 --> 01:47:44,790 Say hi to your friends for me. 1941 01:47:56,760 --> 01:47:57,970 No! 1942 01:47:58,050 --> 01:47:59,090 Open the door! 1943 01:47:59,180 --> 01:48:02,010 I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 1944 01:48:02,100 --> 01:48:03,186 Why are you fucking doing this? 1945 01:48:03,270 --> 01:48:06,480 Because I'm Marvel Jesus. 1946 01:48:08,190 --> 01:48:09,190 Or Spock. 1947 01:48:10,560 --> 01:48:11,770 Hard to say. 1948 01:48:16,110 --> 01:48:17,320 Wade! 1949 01:48:17,780 --> 01:48:19,610 You fucking idiot! 1950 01:48:23,740 --> 01:48:25,870 Sorry, I'm just stalling. 1951 01:48:26,620 --> 01:48:28,870 I think I'm nervous about dying. 1952 01:48:28,960 --> 01:48:30,630 This should be me. 1953 01:48:30,710 --> 01:48:32,840 Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 1954 01:48:32,920 --> 01:48:33,880 Wade! 1955 01:48:33,960 --> 01:48:36,296 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 1956 01:48:36,380 --> 01:48:38,430 You're gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 1957 01:48:45,390 --> 01:48:47,100 Hey! You don't need to do this. 1958 01:48:47,430 --> 01:48:49,140 I'm not doing it 'cause I need it. 1959 01:48:50,100 --> 01:48:52,190 I'm doing it because they do. 1960 01:49:03,070 --> 01:49:04,700 No! 1961 01:49:33,770 --> 01:49:35,150 He's not gonna make it. 1962 01:49:43,990 --> 01:49:44,950 It's over. 1963 01:50:52,600 --> 01:50:54,310 The Wolverine. 1964 01:50:55,020 --> 01:50:57,310 He's a hero in my world. 1965 01:50:59,110 --> 01:51:01,610 Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1966 01:51:03,150 --> 01:51:04,900 You were always the wrong guy... 1967 01:51:06,450 --> 01:51:07,450 till you weren't. 1968 01:51:10,120 --> 01:51:11,490 Wade. 1969 01:51:13,710 --> 01:51:18,000 Wade. You can finally, finally matter. 1970 01:51:33,770 --> 01:51:35,060 Vanessa. 1971 01:51:37,560 --> 01:51:39,060 I wanna see Vanessa. 1972 01:51:45,700 --> 01:51:49,990 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 1973 01:51:50,740 --> 01:51:52,870 It means I'm an X-Man. 1974 01:51:55,370 --> 01:51:56,830 I am the X-Man. 1975 01:52:41,040 --> 01:52:42,460 Paradox. 1976 01:52:44,420 --> 01:52:45,920 You've been busy. 1977 01:52:46,010 --> 01:52:47,046 Well, somebody had to be. 1978 01:52:47,130 --> 01:52:49,046 We had some strange readings from this location. 1979 01:52:49,130 --> 01:52:52,680 You wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 1980 01:52:52,930 --> 01:52:56,186 Uh, no. No. I wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 1981 01:52:56,270 --> 01:52:57,846 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 1982 01:52:57,930 --> 01:52:59,140 Because I was assured 1983 01:52:59,230 --> 01:53:01,100 that she was safely held in The Void. 1984 01:53:01,190 --> 01:53:03,940 But no, she was here. And she fondled my brain. 1985 01:53:04,020 --> 01:53:06,066 - How did you let this happen? - You weren't involved at all? 1986 01:53:06,150 --> 01:53:08,820 In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was. 1987 01:53:08,900 --> 01:53:10,530 But not nearly enough. 1988 01:53:10,610 --> 01:53:13,210 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 1989 01:53:13,490 --> 01:53:14,580 My men. 1990 01:53:15,330 --> 01:53:16,330 My friends. 1991 01:53:17,410 --> 01:53:18,250 I warned them. 1992 01:53:18,330 --> 01:53:20,456 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. 1993 01:53:20,540 --> 01:53:22,040 But they went anyway. Like... 1994 01:53:23,840 --> 01:53:25,210 Like heroes. 1995 01:53:27,050 --> 01:53:29,220 Because that's who they were. 1996 01:53:31,590 --> 01:53:33,290 They just did what they had to do. 1997 01:53:34,350 --> 01:53:36,200 With no concern for their own safety. 1998 01:53:39,680 --> 01:53:43,020 The fact that we are all still standing here 1999 01:53:43,100 --> 01:53:45,730 is a testament to their heroism. 2000 01:53:49,570 --> 01:53:52,670 Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do to bring them back now. 2001 01:53:53,780 --> 01:53:55,530 He has risen, baby girl. 2002 01:53:55,620 --> 01:53:56,620 Fuck! 2003 01:54:16,260 --> 01:54:17,810 Found your new Anchor Being. 2004 01:54:17,890 --> 01:54:20,180 And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit. 2005 01:54:20,270 --> 01:54:21,890 - Mm. - Mm-hmm. 2006 01:54:21,980 --> 01:54:23,270 Fine indeed. 2007 01:54:23,350 --> 01:54:26,190 All right. Put your greasy tits away, 2008 01:54:26,270 --> 01:54:27,320 you preening slut. 2009 01:54:27,400 --> 01:54:29,780 I don't understand. 2010 01:54:29,860 --> 01:54:31,026 How are you two still alive? 2011 01:54:31,110 --> 01:54:33,156 You were right. One of us would have been killed. 2012 01:54:33,240 --> 01:54:34,950 But you put a Deadpool 2013 01:54:35,030 --> 01:54:36,490 and a Wolverine together, 2014 01:54:36,570 --> 01:54:38,746 make 'em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 2015 01:54:38,830 --> 01:54:40,790 indestructible, motherfucker. 2016 01:54:41,410 --> 01:54:43,626 Let's get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 2017 01:54:43,710 --> 01:54:45,626 - Wait, hold on. What? - Nope. Actually... 2018 01:54:45,710 --> 01:54:47,380 This one's homegrown, like me. 2019 01:54:47,460 --> 01:54:48,460 He belongs here. 2020 01:54:48,550 --> 01:54:49,840 And you are? 2021 01:54:49,920 --> 01:54:52,550 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 2022 01:54:54,340 --> 01:54:55,490 And I hope that you do. 2023 01:55:01,850 --> 01:55:03,346 What the fuck is happening here? 2024 01:55:03,430 --> 01:55:05,190 You are under judgment 2025 01:55:05,270 --> 01:55:07,066 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2026 01:55:07,150 --> 01:55:08,396 - Take him. - I was just doing what 2027 01:55:08,480 --> 01:55:09,980 you don't have the guts to do. 2028 01:55:11,190 --> 01:55:13,820 Get your insolent hands off me! Get off! 2029 01:55:15,200 --> 01:55:16,740 I'm grateful, gentlemen. 2030 01:55:17,700 --> 01:55:19,330 Let's hold the bows. 2031 01:55:19,410 --> 01:55:21,366 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 2032 01:55:21,450 --> 01:55:23,000 - You're welcome. - And you 2033 01:55:23,080 --> 01:55:25,626 - shouldn't even be near this timeline. - He's welcome. 2034 01:55:25,710 --> 01:55:28,590 And you look damn good in that suit. 2035 01:55:28,670 --> 01:55:30,040 I'm so sorry. 2036 01:55:34,300 --> 01:55:35,930 I wanna show you something. 2037 01:55:37,010 --> 01:55:38,010 Something huge. 2038 01:55:38,090 --> 01:55:40,140 That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 2039 01:55:41,260 --> 01:55:42,220 Do you see that? 2040 01:55:43,470 --> 01:55:45,350 Your universe is regenerating. 2041 01:55:46,140 --> 01:55:47,810 Whatever you did here, 2042 01:55:47,900 --> 01:55:49,770 you not only saved your world. 2043 01:55:50,320 --> 01:55:52,690 You spared your timeline from extinction. 2044 01:55:54,530 --> 01:55:55,900 I'd rest up. 2045 01:55:55,990 --> 01:55:58,196 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 2046 01:55:58,280 --> 01:56:00,410 Till you're 90. 2047 01:56:00,490 --> 01:56:01,870 Wait! Um... 2048 01:56:02,540 --> 01:56:05,390 We couldn't have made it out of The Void without some help 2049 01:56:06,080 --> 01:56:08,500 from some people that the world kind of... 2050 01:56:09,080 --> 01:56:10,290 kind of forgot. 2051 01:56:10,380 --> 01:56:12,880 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 2052 01:56:12,960 --> 01:56:14,170 to bring them home? 2053 01:56:15,920 --> 01:56:17,300 I'll see what I can do. 2054 01:56:17,380 --> 01:56:19,970 And, um, I promised my friend here 2055 01:56:20,050 --> 01:56:23,430 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit in his timeline. 2056 01:56:23,510 --> 01:56:24,596 What would you say to that? 2057 01:56:24,680 --> 01:56:26,100 Change the past? 2058 01:56:26,640 --> 01:56:28,940 Well, he did help me save the world. 2059 01:56:29,020 --> 01:56:31,360 And his past made him the man who did it. 2060 01:56:32,440 --> 01:56:34,690 There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 2061 01:56:36,070 --> 01:56:37,400 Logan. 2062 01:56:40,570 --> 01:56:42,370 - Shawarma? Yeah. - I could eat. 2063 01:56:52,340 --> 01:56:54,500 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 2064 01:56:55,630 --> 01:56:57,130 They'd be lucky to have you. 2065 01:57:04,140 --> 01:57:06,720 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 2066 01:57:06,810 --> 01:57:07,850 Fuck off! 2067 01:57:08,940 --> 01:57:10,480 Come here, my little cunchkin. 2068 01:57:10,560 --> 01:57:11,850 Yes, it's you. 2069 01:57:11,940 --> 01:57:13,900 You're a survivor. 2070 01:57:13,980 --> 01:57:15,070 Mwah. 2071 01:57:15,150 --> 01:57:16,940 Oh, all is right in the world. 2072 01:57:18,240 --> 01:57:19,240 Yes, it is. 2073 01:57:21,030 --> 01:57:22,530 So what are you gonna do next? 2074 01:57:23,830 --> 01:57:25,830 I'll figure it out. I always do. 2075 01:57:26,490 --> 01:57:27,700 All right. 2076 01:57:28,870 --> 01:57:30,500 So I'll probably see you around? 2077 01:57:35,130 --> 01:57:36,130 Probably not. 2078 01:57:39,470 --> 01:57:40,470 See you, bub. 2079 01:57:50,100 --> 01:57:51,190 Logan. 2080 01:57:57,690 --> 01:57:59,360 Al. I'm back. 2081 01:57:59,940 --> 01:58:01,400 About damn time. 2082 01:58:01,490 --> 01:58:04,200 You holdin'? I'm all outta devil's dandruff, 2083 01:58:04,280 --> 01:58:06,530 and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator. 2084 01:58:06,620 --> 01:58:08,490 Thank you, Al. We have company. 2085 01:58:09,120 --> 01:58:10,620 Althea, this is... 2086 01:58:11,370 --> 01:58:12,420 This is Logan. 2087 01:58:12,500 --> 01:58:14,706 - Nice to meet you, Logan. - Nice to meet you, too. 2088 01:58:14,790 --> 01:58:18,210 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 2089 01:58:18,300 --> 01:58:20,880 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 2090 01:58:20,970 --> 01:58:23,220 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 2091 01:58:24,300 --> 01:58:27,760 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 2092 01:58:27,850 --> 01:58:31,230 Right? It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, 2093 01:58:31,310 --> 01:58:32,910 - in a bed of gonorrhea... - Wow. 2094 01:58:32,980 --> 01:58:35,100 and didn't stop till the sun came up. 2095 01:58:36,520 --> 01:58:38,110 Everyone wants to matter. 2096 01:58:39,030 --> 01:58:41,880 Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 2097 01:58:42,490 --> 01:58:44,840 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 2098 01:58:45,450 --> 01:58:46,450 And if you're lucky, 2099 01:58:47,450 --> 01:58:48,750 you'll find a few friends. 2100 01:58:49,330 --> 01:58:50,330 Old friends, 2101 01:58:51,370 --> 01:58:53,500 and some new ones too. 2102 01:58:57,790 --> 01:58:59,840 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 2103 01:59:10,310 --> 01:59:11,520 Oh, hi. 2104 01:59:11,600 --> 01:59:13,230 Hi. 2105 01:59:14,850 --> 01:59:16,270 You've been busy. 2106 01:59:19,360 --> 01:59:20,730 I did it for you. 2107 01:59:22,900 --> 01:59:25,500 And even if you don't want me, I... I did it for you. 2108 01:59:34,500 --> 01:59:35,500 Turns out, 2109 01:59:36,330 --> 01:59:37,750 I am the world-saving type. 2110 01:59:38,580 --> 01:59:40,830 Just look around this table if you want proof. 2111 01:59:41,670 --> 01:59:42,670 And the best part? 2112 01:59:43,590 --> 01:59:45,340 Sometimes the people we save, 2113 01:59:46,380 --> 01:59:47,680 they save us right back. 2114 02:00:28,050 --> 02:00:30,260 You're not the only one with gifts. 2115 02:00:30,340 --> 02:00:31,510 What is this place? 2116 02:01:00,540 --> 02:01:02,380 - Nice suit. - Zip it, Stan Lee. 2117 02:01:11,340 --> 02:01:13,846 I really like the, uh... the art in the Deadpool comics. 2118 02:01:13,930 --> 02:01:16,266 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2119 02:01:16,350 --> 02:01:19,060 And I just thought, I'd like to play that guy someday. 2120 02:01:47,800 --> 02:01:50,840 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2121 02:01:50,930 --> 02:01:52,470 At our first day of shooting, 2122 02:01:53,010 --> 02:01:54,510 I was so nervous, man. 2123 02:01:55,100 --> 02:01:57,300 Everyone was sort of going, "Who's this guy?" 2124 02:01:57,350 --> 02:02:00,766 You know, there was a lot of that and, you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" 2125 02:02:00,850 --> 02:02:02,810 You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2126 02:02:04,150 --> 02:02:07,320 It's always the suit's fault. Never the actor. 2127 02:02:15,910 --> 02:02:17,540 - This is... - The only way. 2128 02:02:26,790 --> 02:02:28,800 Ah, so this is what it feels like. 2129 02:02:31,470 --> 02:02:33,090 And there's the lights. 2130 02:02:33,180 --> 02:02:34,510 For medical research. 2131 02:02:35,140 --> 02:02:36,970 - Bye-bye, video. - Bye. 2132 02:06:51,100 --> 02:06:53,770 I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors 2133 02:06:53,850 --> 02:06:55,100 that I got Johnny killed. 2134 02:06:56,060 --> 02:06:57,210 Let's look at the tape. 2135 02:06:58,360 --> 02:06:59,610 In The Void, 2136 02:06:59,690 --> 02:07:02,360 you're either food for Alioth or you work for her. 2137 02:07:05,950 --> 02:07:06,950 Go on, Johnny. 2138 02:07:07,410 --> 02:07:08,826 And I'll tell you who "her" is. 2139 02:07:08,910 --> 02:07:09,910 Cassandra Nova. 2140 02:07:09,990 --> 02:07:12,330 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2141 02:07:12,410 --> 02:07:14,360 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab 2142 02:07:14,370 --> 02:07:17,046 of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I'll tell you what she can do. 2143 02:07:17,130 --> 02:07:18,710 - I'm listening. - She can lick 2144 02:07:18,790 --> 02:07:21,626 my goddamn cinnamon ring clean and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2145 02:07:21,710 --> 02:07:24,006 In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin 2146 02:07:24,090 --> 02:07:26,056 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2147 02:07:26,140 --> 02:07:27,240 If the last thing I do 2148 02:07:27,260 --> 02:07:29,260 in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence 2149 02:07:29,260 --> 02:07:31,556 is light that fuck-box on fire, I still won't die happy. 2150 02:07:31,640 --> 02:07:33,810 Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2151 02:07:33,890 --> 02:07:36,436 That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until I've urinated 2152 02:07:36,520 --> 02:07:37,936 on her freshly barbecued corpse 2153 02:07:38,020 --> 02:07:39,770 and husk-fucked the charred remains 2154 02:07:39,820 --> 02:07:42,170 - while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts. - Wow! 2155 02:07:42,230 --> 02:07:43,730 - And you can quote me. - 'Kay. 2156 02:07:44,860 --> 02:07:46,030 Got you, fuckface.